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Joey’s head shot up. “You don’t know that,” he snapped. “You weren’t there. You don’t know him. You’ve no idea what sort of a kid I was.”
“Okay, okay,” I moved my hand away from the tension in his arm. “I’m pointing out that it wasn’t your fault. You were just a kid.”
“And let’s face it, the probability was I was a little twat.” He scoffed. “I’m now a fully grown twat, so it’s obvious that was why.”
“How do you work that one out?” I was astonished that he could make a statement like that. He was practically a baby when his dad left. How many years of self-doubt had he been carrying around to even think he was at fault.
“He left, my mum became an alcoholic and then there’s me, a fucking druggie who can’t even take an aspirin in case I love it too much.”
“That doesn’t make you a twat. You’re an addict because you were given a taste of something you liked and couldn’t give up. And has your mum ever said you were a bad kid? Atwat?” Hejutted out his chin in silent defiance. “I bet she hasn’t, has she? So, you can’t blame yourself.”
He sprang up from the sofa, his body taking up the light from the window, and turned to stare down at me.
“You know fuck all, Destiny. Let’s face it, even you didn’t want me.” He scoffed and winced, rotating his shoulder. “I was even too much for balls of steel Destiny Cooper.”
“You didn’t want me either,” I protested, standing to face him. The foot in height difference did not stop me from stabbing my finger at his face. “And now youarebeing a twat. And if that arm is hurting take something for it. A fucking paracetamol won’t hurt you.”
“No, I won’t and I’m just being honest. You didn’t want me. You told me to fuck off out of your life.”
I had, but it wasn’t because I didn’t want him. Or because I knew we were no good for each other. It wasn’t because I knew I couldn’t give him what he wanted, or because he’d told me in a drug induced stupor that he loved me.
Liar, liar.
“Because I knew we weren’t right together,” I yelled back. “We weren’t what each other wanted or needed. You were a kid who enjoyed putting your dick in an older woman and then got bored. I gave you an out, so you didn’t have to pretend.”
“That’s so not fucking true, and you know it. We were amazing together.”
“In bed maybe, but that was it.”
Those amazing times in the bedroom had been merging into secret days out investigating cities, and furtive kisses in bars and clubs when no one was watching. Hand holding had started, butterflies were appearing in my stomach and then he’d ruined it. I knew that if I was to survive Joey I had to end things with him.
“You’re lying, Destiny, and you know you are. You were just scared of feeling something for once.”
He was right.
“What a load of shit and why are you even bringing this up? You came here wanting to talk about your dying father. Why the fuck have you turned it on me?” I pushed against his broad chest with my hand, but he was unmoving. “I tell you why, Joey, because you don’t want to admit that you care. That everything you’ve done to get to where you are is because youcarewhat your bastard father thinks. Why, I have no clue because any man who deserts his child is a cunt.”
He silently seethed for a few seconds, his nostrils flaring and hate in his eyes before he stalked away towards the door. I watched him walk through and heard his feet stamping on the tiled floor of the hall. The front door didn’t open as I expected, but footsteps echoed as he walked back. Clutching the door frame either side of him, Joey leaned into the room.
“I haven’t worked hard forhim. This was all for me. I had a talent and I used it forme.” He stabbed a finger into his chest. “I haven’t done anything for that man.”
“Bullshit. Whether you like to believe it or not, you care that he left and wonder every fucking day how you can make him love you.” I shook my head, looking at him disdainfully, angry that he blamed himself for things in the past. That he thought so little of himself. Yet still I couldn’t soften my blow. “Now he’s dying you realise you’ve wasted all this time letting the poison of hate eat you up.”
“Well, I wasn’t going to call him, and risk being rejected again, was I?”
“And that’s what also pisses you off. If he does agree to see you, you’ll always be wondering if it’s just because he’s dying.”
“I never said I was going to see him.”
I raised an eyebrow. “No, because you’re a famous rock star and if he really wanted to see you he would have before now. It’s not like he didn’t know how to find you, is it?” I was aware I was being a bitch but that was what I was. What I did. “You’re beating yourself up over something you had no control over, Joey. And you’re being gutless about it.”
He shook his head. “I’m no coward.”
“Yes you are. Contact him and find out if he’ll see you, and if he won’t then fucking be a big boy about it and finally realise he’s in the wrong, not you.”
Joey’s jaw worked back and forth as he watched me, his brown eyes almost black with fury. He was clearly torn between storming out and throwing me down on the ground and fucking me. I knew because I’d seen it in his eyes many times. I’d pushed him to that decision more than once.
He chose option two and within seconds I had my leggings ripped off and my knickers, which were wet with instant excitement, pushed to one side. Sex would be the culmination of our venom and if the fervency of his fingers inside me told me anything, it was that it was going to be hard and angry. Just how I liked it.
