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It was all I could get out of my mouth. Nothing else formed.
“You can’t just tell me you’re sorry with no fucking explanation, Aves,” he snapped. “What am I supposed to do with that? Accept that you disappeared for four days and have basically blanked me for a week, and not worry about why?”
“I’m sorry.” The words were more of a whisper, barely breaking past my lips. Everything swayed, from the floor, to the stairs, to him. It felt like the earth was turning on its axis, like my heels broke at the same time.
“Jesus fucking Christ.Why? Just tell mewhyso we can figure this out!”
His voice boomed and echoed through the stairwell. I gasped for air. “Please.”
“I’ve put my heart on the goddamn line for you. I’ve been so fucking patient. I’ve been on the verge of breaking down the last few weeks while trying to keep my job, make sure that you were okay, and that my son had enough time with me. I know you’re having problems but this isn’tokay.”
Darkness crept in at the edges of my vision. “Adrian.”
“I can’t fucking do this with you if you won’t…”
It took over entirely.
————
The scent of chemicals hit me before the stinging pain in my left hand and the light jostling of whatever I was on forced me to open my eyes.
A woman in all blue stood over me, with deep brown skin and braided hair up in a ponytail. I’d never seen her before in my life.
“You’re okay,” she said, patting the side of my arm. “We’re almost there.”
“Where?” I asked, but the sound was so muffled I almost couldn’t make out my own voice. Something large and pliable rested over my mouth, and as I lifted my hand to touch it, I found a full plastic oxygen mask.
“Oh my God, you’re awake.”
“Stay there,” the woman said, her gaze locked somewhere beyond my feet. I tried to follow it, but my head pounded, and I couldn’t bring myself to look down enough. “Give her a minute.”
Letting my head fall back onto the pillow, I looked up above me at the ceiling of whatever place I was in. Wires and medical equipment hung against a white background, but everything was so fuzzy, so blurry, so bright…
Just as quickly as I’d come to, I was out again.
————
The bed shook, and I was back, but so was the panic.
“Hey, hey, you’re okay.”
A blurry, tall figure stood next to me, squeezing my hand, their body draped in maroons and blacks. I blinked, over and over and over, and the fog started to clear. Bloodshot blue eyes met mine.
Adrian.
“Is there space for her yet?” Someone behind me asked, but I couldn’t hear the reply.
“I don’t understand,” I said.
He leaned over me, pressing his forehead to mine. “You went down,” he croaked. “You scared the shit out of me.”
You went down.
The memory of it slowly filtered back in—the stairwell, the way my words hadn’t worked, how he’d shouted at me when I reached for him. The blackness that crept into my vision and ate it alive. The clamminess of my skin.
“I thought you were fucking dying,” he rasped.
“I’m…I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say, didn’t know what else Icouldsay. I’d traumatized him twice, now, and that fell entirely on my shoulders.
