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If looks could kill, I was certainly trying as I turned to look to the entrance of the living room. Grace stood there in a nightgown that covered her from neck to toe, the color back in her face tenfold with a hefty painting of blush across her cheeks.
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
It physicallypainedme to retreat from Ava. She hadn’t looked away from me with her eyes as wide as saucers, but hermouth fell a little bit more open as I pulled back. My hand left her cheek. “It’s fine,” I said to Grace. “How are you feeling?”
She nodded. “Much better. I wanted to let you know that I should be good to go tomorrow morning if we’re still planning on heading back to the city.”
I swallowed. “Glad to hear it.”
Chapter 17
Ava
Dad had my office finished up over the weekend, so there was at least one happy ending there.
“We’ve got six more male clients,” Emily said, her fingers counting off each of the updates she had for me. “The website’s up and running, too, so we can start to vet people before they fill in their questionnaires. I’ve run a few ads on Instagram, and we’ve had atonof female sign-ups. I’ve marked a few of them down for you in the binder that I think could be a good fit for Adrian.”
I wanted to throw up.
“You don’t look happy.”
“I’m not,” I said. I rested my head in the palms of my hands, resisting the urge to slam my head against something hard.
“Bad weekend with him?”
I shook my head.
“Oh no. You slept with him again.”
“No. I didn’t,” I mumbled.
“Oh,” she lilted, dragging out the sound. “Youdidn’tsleep with him, and you regret it.”
The backs of my eyes burned as I lifted my head in the overwhelming glow of the fluorescent lights. It shouldn’t havebothered me as much as it did, but I’d never felt so frustrated in my goddamn life than I did when he’d stopped and walked Grace back to her bedroom. It felt like I’d stepped into a fever dream when he’d come back and suggested we go to bed before we did something we’d regret.
Because Ididregret this. I regretted doingnothingwhen I had the chance.
“I feel like he’s fucking edging me, but it’s my emotions,” I explained, taking a deep breath to calm the rising tide in my chest. I’d barely been able to calm down since it happened.
“Edging can be fun,” Emily said.
“Yeah, duringsex. Which we didn’t have,” I snapped. “This was so much easier last month when I hadn’t been building him up in my head, when I could pretend like we barely knew each other, when sex wasn’t this thing hanging over my head like a banshee screaming at me.”
“Oh, Aves,” Emily cooed, her hand wrapping around my forearm and squeezing gently. “I’m sorry. That can’t be easy.”
“It’s not,” I said. “And now I have to find him a fucking match, because it couldn’t just be easy, could it? I couldn’t have just had a fun little fling with him and moved on. No, my father had to get me involved in his life. With hisson. And I’m going to have to pick out women for him that I think he’ll like when I’d rather shove my fingers into my fucking eyes, and I’ll have to beokaywith it.”
————
The sun had long since set in the quiet retreat of my office, and Emily had already gone home by the time I’d picked three somewhat satisfactory choices.
The first was an art major. She had a parrot, but he could probably deal with that. She liked children.
The second was a history major, but she was a curator at the MOMA. She liked children, too.
And the third was a film buff with an interest in photography, traveling, and teaching. More importantly: she liked children.
I didn’t want to give him any of them. And if I was honest, maybe I’d overlooked some of the red flags in the others without realizing I had done it on purpose. But this felt different, and despite each one of them confirming a day and a time this upcoming weekend, I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to have to do any of this.
