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“Why the alias and alter ego?”
I snorted. “Easy. Because I didn’t want my dad to find out that I was going on dates with all types of different people. He wants me to end up with someone who can provide for me, but I think he forgets I’m the only person in his will.”
His lips tightened. “Thought that might be why,” he said. “Can’t be easy growing up with a father like yours. I love the guy, don’t get me wrong, but he’s made some…questionablechoices. And he’s impossible to say no to.”
“Yeah. I dated this guy in my junior year of high school, Henry—it was right after you and Jan moved to New York, and right before my dad followed you and moved his business,” I explained, cringing at myself for even letting it slip that I remembered exactly when he’d left. “He was the first guy I ever slept with, and Dad found out. I thought he’d be mad at me, but instead, he hired a private fucking investigator to find out everything about the family. Income, address, degrees, the whole nine yards. He was proud when he realized that Henry was well off. I didn’t even know it.”
Adrian sucked in air through his teeth. “Why am I not surprised?”
I hugged my knees a little tighter, the relief of justtalkingabout the stress my father added to my life helping me relax into whatever this conversation was. “I did get my masters in contemporary art, for the record. That wasn’t a lie. But my dad fucking hated it. My BA in business wasn’t enough, apparently.”
“I’m sorry?—”
“And he won’t stop badgering me tofindsomeone,” I continued, not even caring that I was steamrolling whatever he was saying. Adrian had opened a faucet in me that I didn’t realize needed to be opened. “I’m twenty-fucking-five, for God’s sake. And I know damn well that unless it’s someone he deems appropriate, he’ll tear the whole thing down. No one under a certain income bracket. No oneunsuccessful, whatever that means. Preferably someone in finance, if he has a say in it.”
“Damn, out of the running, then,” Adrian joked. The stone in my gut that he was so aptly named after only sunk further.
“Honestly, Adrian, if you were anyone other than my father’s friend, he’d probably celebrate that I found adecentguy to fuck me.” My cheeks heated instantly as I realized what had slipped out of my mouth, but I couldn’t take it back. I downed the rest of my glass of wine and avoided meeting his gaze at all costs. “He’d hound you to put a ring on my finger and knock me up. Probably force me into some gigantic puffy white dress and throw us an extravagant wedding, invite everyone he knows, and fill it with photographers to sell my image to the press, who couldn’t give two shits about who I am.”
“Aves—”
“What?” I laughed, forcing myself to stare out at the darkness of the dunes. “Doesn’t sound good to you? I’m not surprised. I don’t think there’s a person on earth who could handle being with me when my father is the way he is.”
The answering silence that hung around me was far too thick to breathe through. I set my glass down on the little table between our chairs, using both of my hands to pull my knees just that tiny bit closer to my chest.
“And without someone in my life that can handle him and satisfy what he wants out of a partner for me, my only other option to please him is this fucking business,” I continued. My chest felt too tight, like I was breathing too little air, and for a horrible second, I wondered if I was going to pass out—at least I was already sitting down. “But if I can’t even get this right for you, someone I know well, how the fuck am I supposed to do it for strangers? How am I supposed to doanythingright when he’s breathing down my neck?”
“I’m so sorry,” Adrian said. His hand moved, and I watched from the corner of my eye as he carefully swapped my empty glass for his half-full one. “Maybe I can talk to him. Get him to calm down about it.”
The backs of my eyes burned as I reached for the glass. I needed it. “I don’t think he’d listen.”
“Could be worth a shot, Aves.”
I took a sip of the wine, holding it on my tongue and letting it linger for a little longer than I had before. Thathadto be the same wine. “I’ll think about it,” I sniffled, wiping my nose on the sleeve of my sweater.
I looked across at him finally, meeting his eyes around the curve of my wine glass. The way he watched me, the intensity of his stare, for once felt more like a thousand helium balloons tied to my body and lifting me up instead of cement blocks. The silence felt less heavy, the weight of the world falling off of my shoulders, the crinkles in the paper ironing out—if only a little.
But it was charged, too.
We hadn’t outwardly spoken about what we’d done outside of that night at the charity ball, and even mentioning it out loudfelt like a sin. But I felt lighter, too. Like whatever sense of calm he gained from being out here was infectious, oozing into me and claiming all of my problems for itself. The walls were down. The barriers were gone.
For both of us, it seemed, from the way his gaze dropped to my lips.
“Adrian,” I breathed. “Don’t.”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and it looked as though it took everything in him to turn away from me. “I won’t.”
Chapter 16
Adrian
The downpour of rain I’d woken to at five in the morning did absolutely nothing to ease the sting of a cold, half-empty bed.
I’d made it almost two full days now without caving to my instincts with regard to her. The temptation was maddening, driving me to depravity every time I stepped into the shower, and this morning had been no different.
But as I relaxed on the sofa and watched her play a board game with my son, I couldn’t help but feel bad for imagining her the way that I had after she’d nearly cried last night. A part of me, as basic and absurd as it was, had risen to that—I’d wanted to fix it. Whether that was making her forget about it for as long as I could, or talking to David to get him to get off her case a little, it didn’t matter. I just wanted to make it better.
But more than anything, I just wanted to fuckingcave.
