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“Wait.” He holds up a finger, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. “Yep, my pores are high right now. You know, you two can bottle this shit and sell it to politicians. They’ll kill each other within an hour.”
“We were getting there,” I say, deadpan, glaring at Alexius.
“Let me guess. You—” Caelian points at me “—are incredibly pissed because Alexius is giving you a lecture on proper Dark Sovereign etiquette when you, in fact, do not give a shit about anything that does not end with Nunzio’s head on a spike.”
“Exactly.”
“And you—” this time his finger points at Alexius “—are incredibly annoyed that Nicoli is being unapologetically himself without considering the consequences of his actions.”
“Exactly,” Alexius huffs.
“So, in actual fact—” Caelian gets up, pointing at both of us with his arms stretched out “—you are both assholes.”
Alexius and I frown at each other before turning to face Caelian.
“Yes. You are,” he says like he’s nailing our balls to the wall. “Alexius,” he starts. “I love you, man, but you need to stop worrying about your twin brother and fucking let him shoot things, disembowel people, and blow shit up until he’s satisfied.”
“Until I find Nunzio.”
“You,” Caelian cuts me short. “You need to grow the fuck up, man.”
“Fuck you!”
“You think Alexius likes being the grown-up all the time? The one who has to ignore his emotions and always think with his head because you can’t? Yes, he can be a dick half the time, but this fucker right here is responsible for the rest of us. We fuck up, he has to fix it. You go out there burning the goddamn streets, and he’s the one who has to put the fires out.”
“Thank you,” Alexius presses before Caelian cuts his glare toward him.
“But sometimes, just fucking sometimes, instead of being a dick, be a cunt like the rest of us and just let your emotions back up your decisions every once in a while. Mira has been a part of this family since she was four. Hell, I can’t even remember a time that she wasn’t here. And she got hurt. Really fucking hurt.” Caelian approaches Alexius, every trace of sarcasm evaporating from his words. “I know you have big shoes to fill and that you’re trying to do right by Dad. But what do you think our father would do if he were still here? If he knew what that son of a bitch did to the only daughter he’s ever had?” Caelian dares him to respond, and Alexius pulls his palm down his face and then starts to pace before looking in my direction.
“He would want us to burn this goddamn city to the ground to find Nunzio,” he says, and there’s a dark ring in his tone that tells me he means every goddamn word.
“Yes!” Caelian exclaims. “Finally.” He strolls to the door, opens it, but turns back to look at us. “Now, can you two please shake hands or jerk each other off, or whatever the fuck it is you do when you make up? Everyone in this house is getting sick of your bickering, and we need a break.”
The door slams shut behind him, and Alexius and I stare at each other. “What the fuck just happened?” I ask.
“I have no idea.”
“Did he just…did he just lecture us?”
“I think so.”
“Caelian?” I stress. “The one who would pluck his own eyeball out before taking anything seriously?”
“Yup.”
“Fuck me.”
Alexius’ eyebrows almost touch his hairline. “I feel like I need a shower.”
“Yeah. That just didn’t feel right. Usually, we’re the ones telling Caelian to grow up.”
Alexius empties his glass, and it’s so fucking quiet I can hear him swallow the bourbon while we’re stuck together in the world’s most awkward moment ever.
I clear my throat. “We good?”
“Yes. I think we are.”
I’m nodding absentmindedly as I walk to the door.
