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I turn and walk away with a heaviness in my heart.
It’s so stupid. These feelings I have of disappointment and regret.
Because he was never mine.
Chapter Twelve
Asher
My life is absolute hell.
I sink into my chair, set my coffee down and stare at the swirling patterns on the ceiling. I just need a moment to think before I dive into work.
I hate working weekends but I knew I’d have to go into the office today because I had to fit in all those dates during the week.
All those dates that wereallfor nothing.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s official. I, Asher Le Blanche, am a world-class idiot. I must be the one guy in this world with a host of women at his fucking beck and call who can’t pick one to marry.
Several friends of mine—and family members like Hunter—have had arranged marriages. Some of them never even met their wives prior to the wedding day. They were happy with photos. Heck, they were happy being betrothed before birth like I was.
But me…
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was fine and ready to go along with this plan to find a wife with a no-holds-barred mindset. Then something happened.
What?
Was it reallyher?
Harper.
I can’t even believe I’m going there. But in my line of work, when you’ve looked at all the variables that you think caused a problem and you still can’t find a solution, you start looking outside the box.
You look for the thing you least expected to throw a spanner in the works.
Harper is the answer that comes to my mind. I can’t actually think of anything else.
My mind started screwing with me that day I realized I was jealous of Jack.
I tried to push it out of my head. I even tried to deny it and lie to myself, but every time I saw Harper after that night the jealousy came back as I wondered if she’d been spending her time with him.
When she came to the office yesterday it was the weirdest thing seeing her in my work world. Deep down I even considered giving her the job because it meant I could keep an eye on her.
That uncontrollable demented feeling of jealousy mixed with possession made me think about the other thing I’ve had in the back of my mind to do with her. About when my arrangement to marry Portia was severed.
The first person I thought about was Harper. At the time she would have just come out of all the shit with Nick.
Because she was single and I was single, and I no longer had a marriage contract hanging over my head she stuck in my mind.
I think I fucked myself over from then. And it could be the reason I haven’t been myself inmonths. That could also explain my despondency about getting married.
I’m not as irresponsible as my behavior might imply when it comes to the company. You can’t exceed your limits one moment then fall off the path the next with no reason.
Shit. I can’t believe I’m sitting here entertaining this idea that Harper St. John is my problem when I know what’s at stake.
Marriage to Portia if I don’t find a woman on my own.
