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“Again, you can’t be sure now if you felt lucky to have her as your wife or lucky to be able to put an end to the question on your mind. After all, you’re a good man, you would never cheat on your beautiful wife, especially with a man who you may or may not actually want to be with.”
“That about sums it all up,” I agree. “But I did cheat on Maddie. In my defense as an otherwise good guy, it was after Eli told me we weren’t married, that Maddie had lied to me. I accepted it as the truth from him, a stranger, since I couldn’t find our marriage license when I looked into it. Reece couldn’t either. The IT genius couldn’t even find any images of her anywhere in the world from the photo I sent him. He was livid, demanding to know who the ghost girl was. All that, combined with the certainty that Eli was going to carve out my eyeballs and kill me like the others, let me give in without all the guilt.”
“Wait,” Colt mutters, his face hard. I knew loyalty was important to him, but he looks fucking furious with me. “Eliis the eyeball killer?”
Oh. That.
“He kidnapped you, didn’t he?”
“Yes, but I still have both eyes—see?” I remark while pointing to my face. “And it’s a long story. Before you and the Kings round up the pitchforks and torches, I’ll just say that Eli had a good reason for the murders. Taking their eyeballs while they were alive is just sort of his signature move.”
“He really takes their eyeswhilethey’re still alive?”
“Yes, but those men were nasty ass human traffickers.”
Colt blinks at me, obviously trying to wrap his head around all this information. “The PI and truck driver from Clayton were traffickingpeople?”
“Yes, those two and another guy worked together making a shit load of money hunting women and girls and transporting them to rich perverts.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Good riddance, right?”
“Hell, yes,” Colt easily agrees. “And you fooled around with that guy? The killer who takes eyeballs out of people’s heads while they’re alive? While you were his captive?”
“Yes.”
“Jordan…” My stepfather shakes his head, and I already know what he’s going to say before the words leave his mouth “How is what Eli did to you any different from that son of a bitch your mom married?”
“It was completely different,” I assure him. “There was never any doubt about wanting him, wanting what we did. If anything, being Eli’s captive, fearing for my life, gave me the courage to finally be honest with myself.”
“Wow. The psycho did more for you in a few days than years of therapy, huh?”
“Right?” I agree with a grin. “I know Eli is a vicious killer. I saw him torture the third guy with my own eyes. And yet, I wasn’t scared of him when he touched me. Yes, he’s a manipulative bastard, but I could’ve refused him, I just…didn’t.”
“You finally got the answer to your question, the one you wanted back in Vegas.”
I nod my agreement. “I finally got my answer. Yes, I felt guilty, felt like I was an asshole for cheating on Maddie, but in a way, it was also a huge relief. A weight was lifted off me so I could just be…me.”
“Which is great. I’m happy for you. And I get why you’ve been sitting here all night. Having the answer to your sexuality doesn’t help you get anywhere with the question of whether or not you love Maddie.”
“Do you think…is it possible that I could be both—bisexual and in love with her?” I ask.
“Absolutely. You’re obviously happier knowing how you really feel about men. Now you just need to ask yourself if you’re happy with Maddie.”
“Yes. I was. There’s no doubt about that. She made me happy. Waking up with her, sharing every part of my life with her, that made me happy, even if she was just using me.”
“I think we both know that regardless of how it started, that girl loves you too. Even your mom, despite her complaints about Maddie, couldn’t honestly say that you two didn’t make each other happy. Happy may or may not be love, but it’s not a small thing either. I don’t even think you’re floundering about whether or not you love her, or she loves you. You’re likely struggling with the question of whether you love her enough to ignore the other half of your bisexuality. Can you give up the desire to be with men for her?”
“I…don’t know.”
“That’s okay, Jordan. You don’t need to figure out how to spend the rest of your life in one day. Hell, maybe there’s a third option where you can have both.”
“Both?” I repeat.
“Loving one person isn’t easy. Trying to spread the love around with two people equally so nobody gets hurt would be a challenge.”
Colt makes some great points. And what I can’t bring myself to tell him is that the idea of being with Maddie and Eli at the same time sounds like a dream come true. The best of both worlds. A perfect solution.
