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“I do,” I say with a puff of laughter. “Trust me, no one is more surprised than I am to admit that.”
“And you care about me?” Jordan asks. When I glance over, he’s grinning at me since he already knows the answer, he just wants me to say it.
“Yeah, I do.”
“You know, I meant what I said last night. I don’t see a monster or the devil or anything else in your eyes. I think your mom was just nuts to say those kinds of things because you, Eli Murphy, are a god.”
“I hurt and kill people for fun,” I remind him, giving his nipple a pinch and a twist that makes him wince.
“Don’t all gods? And you hurt and kill people who deserve it or for Dante. He’s an asshole for making you do those things for him.”
“I like doing it,” I remind him.
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that if they deserve it. But you shouldn’t have to hurt people or kill people just because your boss tells you to do it.”
“I don’t think Gavin deserved to die,” I admit. “I killed him because I knew it was what Dante wanted. There was no way Cass and Cole were going to be able to go through with it.”
“Gavin?” he asks, his voice hard like he’s jealous.
“The stripper I told you I had a thing with for a while.”
“You were with him? Like a couple?”
“No. I tormented him, hung him up, and fucked him. You know, basically everything I did to you.”
“Right. The guards did mention something to me about the fate of your last lover. I think they were trying to warn methat I wouldn’t survive the basement.” After a moment he asks, “Would you have killed me, you know, if Dante ordered you to?”
“If he kills me first, then I won’t have to.”
“Seriously?” Jordan huffs. Reaching for my face, he pulls me toward him to kiss me on the lips. “I don’t want him to kill you first just so you won’t kill me. That’s insane, Eli. How could you work for someone like that?”
“I didn’t have a choice. I’m his puppet; he’s my master.”
Jordan shakes his head. “No, I don’t buy that. You came to Rockland to find Maddie without him. You didn’t have to come back here with her. So why did you?”
“I thought for years that I was in love with Dante,” I admit.
“You’re in love with him?”
“No. Now I know it’s something else. I love him, like a father, I guess. I don’t know, I never had one. And sure, I hate that he makes me do some of the shit I have to do. But I knew he missed Maddie. He was angry with me for keeping Cass and Cole’s relationship from him, so I wanted to bring her back so he would forgive me.”
“That’s so fucked up. You should leave, Eli. We all should leave here this morning.”
“Maddie would probably leave with you to avoid Dante’s wrath. But if I leave, Dante will hunt me down and kill me for betraying him for the third and final time.”
“We could keep you safe. The Savage Kings could help protect you.”
Snorting, I tell him, “No, they can’t. You don’t know Dante like I do. Nothing, not even an army, could stand in his way when he sets his mind to do something. And I owe him, even if you don’t approve.”
“You don’t owe him anything.”
“I would be either dead or in jail right now if he hadn’t taken me in.”
“You really think so?”
“Yes. And if he hadn’t taken me in, then I never would’ve met Maddie. I thought she left because of me. But she left to save me from myself. And because she wanted to have some freedom for the first time in her life.”
“Not that she really got to have any freedom since she was tied down with me the whole time she was away from Vegas. I shouldn’t have insisted that she move in with me...” Jordan remarks with a frown.
