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“Okay,” I agree, even if in the morning, I might still leave Rockland without him.
That’s why I don’t waste any time and tug Jordan’s shirt off and then lift my hips so he can pull down my shorts and panties.As he unties my shoes to remove them and my socks, tossing them over his shoulder as if to say “no running,” I decide to push aside my worries for a few hours.
After all, this could be the last time I ever get to be with Jordan.
Having someone love me the way he has, I know I won’t ever find it again if I leave him. But I love him so much, I would rather him be alive and live my life alone than risk his life.
“Lay back and let me take care of you,” he says as he palms my knees and spreads them wide.
“Wait.” I tug on his biceps urging him up off the floor.
“You don’t want to come on my tongue first?”
“I need you inside of me. Right now,” I tell him.
“Okay,” Jordan replies as he gets to his feet to remove his jeans. “If you’re sure you’re ready?”
“I’m ready,” I assure him. “And…you don’t have to be gentle.”
He pauses with his fists holding his unzipped jeans. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s okay. You won’t.”
Jordan’s brow furrows as he finishes undressing, freeing his semi-hard length.
I scoot back on the mattress when he crawls onto the bed and over me.
Our mouths fuse together so naturally, like we’ve done hundreds of times as Jordan reaches down to stroke himself until he’s fully hard. Then, he lines himself up at my entrance. I’ve been on birth control since the month I got here, using a fake name at the doctor’s office, paying out of pocket for them, so there’s no protection needed. We trust each other. I trust Jordan. He loves me too much to ever cheat on me.
And as he begins to ease his way inside of me, I start to tell him that it’s okay if he wants to hurt me, to take me hard and fast. That I think I might like that sort of thing.
It’s hard to know since I’ve only had sex like that once with someone else.
Someone who may have killed a man and took his eyes.
Someone who intended to hurt me, to get revenge on my father by taking my virginity on the dining room table while nearly choking me to death.
“Oh, god,” I moan at the memory and my pussy clenches around Jordan’s shaft when he’s fully sheathed. He pulls back out to thrust into me again, slowly, but I dig my fingernails into his ass and tell him, “Harder.”
Closing my eyes tight, I meet each of his thrusts, letting my mind wander back to my first time. Being dominated, used by a monster who took me so violently I could barely walk afterward, or remember my name. It was a suicide mission that failed because I took pity on him instead of telling my father.
I felt like maybe I saw something inside of him that no one else got to see, a vulnerability in the most dangerous man I’ve ever known. And that made me feel…powerful. Especially when he came back for more that night. Despite all his harshness, he was ridiculously generous with his tongue, as if he didn’t truly want to hurt me, just my father.
Right on the edge, on Jordan’s next deep thrust, I dig my fingernails into his flesh to hold him to me as I shatter apart.
It’s the first time I’ve ever gotten off during actual intercourse with Jordan. How messed up is it that it happened when I was thinking about a homicidal monster?
“Damn, baby. I think you drew blood. You did need me inside of you, didn't you?” Jordan asks, pressing soft kisses to the side of my face, my throat.
I nod and a few strokes later he groans into the side of my neck through his own release.
Before he lifts his head, I quickly reach up to swipe my fingertips over the single tear on my cheek that snuck out.
I should feel good now, but all I feel is...guilty, like I mentally cheated on Jordan with the vicious psychotic man.
How messed up is that Jordan has always been so sweet and good to me, and all I do is lie to him.
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