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“They’re back for some reason, and I don’t know why. What made them double back?”
“Maybe it’s your sunny personality,” Rowan joked.
I bristled. “This is serious, Rowan. Stop fucking around.”
Rowan’s face sobered, and this time, his eyes grew guarded, his lips pursed into a thin line. The humor was gone for good now.
“Okay, I’ll stop fucking around. Sorry for screwing with your agenda for this meeting.”
I suddenly realized I preferred his humor.
“Look, I know I’m being a dick, okay?”
“Understatement of the century.”
I sighed. “I’m not like you, always happy and looking at the bright side of life.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Rowan said. “Whatever. What’s this thing you think’s happening?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “They have to be here for a reason. They’re looking for her, and something brought them back here. I don’t know what it could be. I can’t let them find her.”
“Why not?” Rowan asked.
I frowned at him. “Are you seriously asking me that question?”
Rowan only shrugged and folded his arms over his chest.
“If they find her, they’ll kill her. Or worse.”
“And you’re all twisted in a knot about this because…”
“What the fuck, man?” I demanded. “When I asked you to stop fucking around, I didn’t mean for you to get rid of all your emotions, too. Since when don’t you give a shit about what happens to another living creature?”
“You see, this is the part where it gets hazy,” Rowan said. “Since when doyoucare?”
“I’ve always fucking cared.”
“Not enough to want to stick around and be who you are.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Rowan looked down, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”
I was getting pissed off at how cryptic he was being, but before I could say so, he spoke again.
“You keep complaining that your past is so fucking hard to deal with that you just want to get away from this life, this world, everything that defines you.”
“Yeah?”
“And at the same time, you’re doing the same thing, getting stuck in the same loop as before. Tell me how that makes sense. You want to run away from the world, but you’re hellbent on taking that damn world with you.”
I stared at Rowan. “That’s not what this is about.”
“Don’t give me that shit,” Rowan said. “You like her, and that scares you, so you want to leave it all behind, but you don’t want to leave her behind. You have to make up your fucking mind. Either you’re all in, or you’re all out. You don’t get to stand with one foot in this world and the other in a different world, swaying back and forth as you choose.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but Rowan held up his hand.
“Don’t,” he said. “All you’re going to say is that you’re only looking after her until after All Hallows’ Eve, that this isn’t the endgame, blah, blah, blah.”
