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“I don’t know what it is about them that draws me like this,” I admitted. “With Ava, I really thought it was love. For me, it was, even if it wasn’t for her. With Lorraine, everything is different. I’m drawn to her in a way I can’t stop, but it’s not like I’m head over heels in love with her. It’s probably just lust.”
“Is she pretty?”
“She’s not just pretty. She’s irresistible,” I said. “That’s why all this shit happened with the bond. I literally couldn’t resist her.”
Dolus grinned and reached for another stone. “Hey, nothing wrong with carnal needs, you know. What makes you want to leave it all behind? Sounds to me like you have the best of both worlds. You’re immortal, so you have more than enough time to pursue whoever you want, and you’re after humans. They die off in no time at all, compared to our lifespan, and you get to do it all over again.”
I shook my head. “It’s really not the best of both worlds. Maybe on the one hand, sure, but after it’s all said and done and they’re gone again—whether they leave or die off from old age—I’m still me, and I stay behind. The skeletons are still in the closet.”
“The humans have the dumbest sayings,” Dolus chuckled.
“Yeah… but I guess they have a point. Some of their stuff is pretty good.”
Dolus nodded. “So, you don’t like being you?”
“I don’t like remembering the past. I feel like I just can’t get away from it, like I’m stuck in this weird eternal repetition, you know? I want to get away from that.”
“And you think giving it all up and becoming something else will change that?”
I shrugged. “I’ve tried everything I can think of. Maybe if I do something else where I don’t have that much responsibility, or where I don’t have to be so tied up in eternity the way I am now, things will change.”
Dolus nodded. “Okay, I get what you’re saying.”
I glanced at him. “Now that you know what I’m saying, what areyousaying?”
Dolus grinned widely at me, and the smile seemed almost out of place on his face, it was so broad. “Look, I’m going to be honest with you. This isn’t usually done. We’ll be bending all kinds of rules, and you could get in trouble. Or it could all go to shit and blow up in your face.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, this is the kind of dark magic you don’t want to fuck with unless you have a really good reason.” The more Dolus talked, the more the sun seemed to disappear and the night rose around us. It was crazy because it was still daytime, but I ignored it. I was glued to his words.
“If it’s really what you want,” he added, “I’ll help you with it.”
I frowned. “Despite knowing it’s a bad idea?”
“I’m not the one who’ll do it, you are.” Dolus smiled happily. “I like helping out, you know?”
I nodded. I appreciated that he wanted to help me. If I couldn’t fix things the way I was, then getting away from it all was the next step. Dolus could be the answer I’d been looking for all this time.
The darkness kept falling, but Dolus and I continued to talk and laugh and throw stones together. For some reason, the darkness didn’t bother me that much.
Maybe it should have. Darkness wasn’t a good thing, and if magic could turn dark, it usually wasn’t good.
Turning my back on all this would mean that I couldn’t get what I wanted, and I wanted it more than I wanted the light right now. Everyone deserved a break once in a while, right? I was way overdue for mine. For the first time in a long time, it didn’t only feel like someone was on my side, but that getting away from the misery that my life had become was a possibility. For the first time, I had a flicker of hope.
I was going to hold onto that flicker with everything I had.
ChapterFifteen
Lorraine
“Lori?”
I ignored my sister, turning the music on my radio up a little louder.
“Lori,” Cat said again.
I bobbed my head to the music and mouthed the words.
