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I shrugged. “She doesn’t seem to know much about magic. She’s human, bro. I was hoping to keep it that way, but she’ll have to find out at some point.”
“You can just keep her here without a good reason,” Rowan agreed.
“Yeah.”
We sat in silence for a while.
“How do you feel about it?” Rowan asked.
“About the bond?”
He nodded. “It doesn’t affect me one way or another.”
Rowan narrowed his eyes. “So, you want to tell me you feel nothing at all?”
“What am I supposed to feel?” I asked. “I’m satisfied. I got some. That’s really all that matters.”
Rowan still stared at me, but I wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to hear. Did I feel something for her? Sure—I wouldn’t have helped her that night if something about her hadn’t drawn me. Did I feel like I would fall apart when she left? Hell, no. I’d learned how to keep my distance since Ava. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.
What was it they said these days? Fool me once, shame on Ava. Fool me twice, well, I would be a dumbshit if I let that happen again.
“Doesn’t the bond only happen when there’s something on both sides?” Rowan asked.
“Maybe you should shut your mouth about feelings and bonds until you know what you’re talking about,” I clapped back.
Rowan swallowed his grin. “We’re not all so lucky to find someone we connect that well with.” I knew he was thinking about Clea. I cared for her, but there was a difference between love and adoration, between partners and soul mates. Not everyone found their soul mate. We could search for an eternity—since we were around for that long, it wasn’t impossible—and never find a soul mate.
A lot of spirits settled for less. It was better than doing eternity alone.
“You’re better off with what you have,” I said. “Trust me on that.”
Rowan only shrugged.
“So, you don’t know where I can find Hecate, do you?” I asked.
“How the fuck should I know that?” Rowan asked. “I gave you the info, man. That’s all I can help you with. The gods aren’t around for us to just walk up to and be friends with.”
I nodded. The gods lived on Mount Olympus, far away from where the rest of us immortals could go. They came down to earth sometimes, or to the underworld where hell reigned and life was a dark mess. But they never stayed for long.
I wanted to talk to Hecate about my options. I wanted a transfer, but I didn’t know how to reach her, and it had been a long time since anyone had seen her on earth.
“Ask Artemis,” Rowan suggested.
“No fucking way. She already knows I’m thinking about it. If I bring it up again, she’ll lecture me for the next millennium, and I’m not in the mood for it.”
Rowan shrugged and lay back on the moss. “Yeah, well, then I can’t help you. I don’t want more to do with this shit, anyway. I already went out on a limb for you to find that info. You’re looking for trouble where it’s not needed.”
I nodded. Rowan was right—I was looking for trouble, but he didn’t get it. He didn’t live a life that he desperately wanted to get away from. He was content to keep living his life the way he did, being what he was. It was me who hated what I’d been stuck with.
I should have been grateful—after I’d given up my immortality for Ava, Artemis had granted me a way back to immortality because Ava had fucked me over so badly. I could have been a human and died eighty years later, but Artemis had spared me.
I should have been grateful for my lot in life. Instead, I lived century upon century with this shitty heartache I couldn’t shake. I’d been so happy to be back here with a second chance, I hadn’t considered the downside.
Knowing what I knew now, maybe I would have accepted a human life so there could have been a much quicker end to this misery.
I shook off the thought. I hated being so miserable, and feeling sorry for myself was pathetic.
“I’m going,” I said, and stood.
