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“You aren’t yourself,” Kody said.
That was true. She hadn’t been herself for years. Warm hands grasped hers and squeezed. She focused on Kody, who had a mix of frustration and yearning on his face.
“Come with me.” She opened her mouth, but he pressed a finger against her lips to stop her. “It doesn’t need to be like that. I can see you still need time. Let me take care of you. Let’s start fresh.” He cupped her chin and leaned forward. “I never forgot you. I want what we had, but I can wait.”
She stared at him, her thoughts in turmoil.
“Remember, Carmen?”
He pressed his lips against hers. She stiffened but didn’t pull away. He kissed her gently. The taste of something sweet and appealing made her deepen the kiss. He cupped the side of her face. She closed her eyes and tried to lose herself in him. This was what she should want, a sweet guy who wanted to take care of her. This was what women dreamed of—the white knight with money and a heart of gold. Life with Kody would be glamorous and smooth. He would put her first, and they would live happily ever after. This was what Mom had with Marv, what she used to have what Vinny. Maybe if she opened up a little …
His lips slanted over hers, deepening the kiss. It felt nice, but her heart rate didn’t speed up, and her body felt heavy and lethargic. When she couldn’t stand the disappointment any longer, she pulled back. Kody had kissed his fair share of women, and it showed. Despite his perfect technique, she felt nothing. How could she have had such chemistry with him once upon a time, and now, it was just gone? Even as the thought drifted through her mind, she answered herself. She wasn’t the same woman who fell into an affair with such reckless gusto. That woman flitted from relationship to relationship and never had her heart broken, never experienced the devastating loss of a parent, or watched a broken human being struggle to survive. Lyla’s recovery had been painful to watch, especially since the worst of her injuries were internal where she couldn’t help. Lyla had to piece herself back together, and she had, through her own strength of will. Now it was her turn to put herself back together, and she had no fucking clue how to do it.
“Carmen?” Kody asked, stroking her cheek.
“Kody—”
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a figure standing a little too close. She turned her head, dislodging Kody’s hand, and met Marcus’s dark gaze. His normally animated face was the picture of polite inquiry. All that wonderful personality, arrogance, and affection was banked.
Marcus turned to Kody and held out a hand. “I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to thank you for staying with us these past two weeks. I was hoping to offer you a drink before you left but see you already have one.”
“You’ve been very accommodating with the suites for my staff and the last-minute company,” Kody said.
“Of course. Anything we can do, Mr. Singer. Have a safe trip home.” Marcus turned to her and inclined his head. “Mrs. Pyre.”
His address made her stomach twist. She swiped her thumb over her naked ring finger and tried to think of something to say. She looked like a complete slut for accepting a kiss when Marcus had been inside her less than fifteen hours ago. If she had caught Marcus kissing a woman today, she would have lost her shit. She opened her mouth to explain, but no words came out.
Marcus turned away. She reached out for his arm but stopped just shy of grabbing his sleeve. What would she say? How could she explain why she accepted a kiss from Kody? Would it make a difference if she told him that she’d been on her way to the executive offices to see him and been waylaid by Kody?
He strode away, and her heart sank. She wasn’t sure what she and Marcus were, but he was a balm to her shattered nerves. He cared for her the night Lyla was in Hell, and he sated her demons last night. God knows what she would have gotten into if he hadn’t stepped forward. Marcus was her gateway to euphoria and relief, and she felt a sharp pang of loss and panic as he disappeared into the crowd.
“Carmen?”
She looked at Kody and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. You’re a great guy. You’re going to make some woman so happy.”
“And she’s not you,” he said slowly.
Bingo. “No.” She held out a hand. “Friends?”
He didn’t take her hand immediately and each passing second felt like an eternity. When she was about to retract her hand and what dignity she had left, he took it.
“If you ever need someone to talk to, you have my number,” he said and slipped off the stool. He chucked her under the chin. “Take care of yourself.”
Two good guys walked away from her in less than five minutes. That had to be some kind of record. She had a black belt in fucking up her life. Carmen tipped the bartender and headed through the casino to the valet and handed her ticket over. She watched the doors to the casino, expecting Marcus to appear, but he didn’t. She slipped into her car, filched her phone out of her purse, and hit Lyla’s number on speed dial. The call went to voicemail. She cursed and redialed as she tore out of the driveway of the casino but didn’t get far because of traffic. She was about to redial Lyla for the third time but stopped herself. Between Gavin being an insatiable beast, a four-month-old baby, and her mother being in the hospital, it was no surprise that Lyla couldn’t pick up her call.
She drummed her fingers restlessly and tried every single radio station, but nothing suited her mood. As soon as she reached the freeway, she slammed her foot on the gas. She cut through traffic like a madwoman, shifting gears, and dodging other cars like she was on the run. The rush didn’t alleviate the pressure on her chest.
When she finally stopped the car, she rested her chin on the steering wheel and stared through the windshield at the gates of the property she once owned with Vinny. She caught a glimpse of the ostentatious mansion she spent years designing. It had been her dream home with her dream man, and now she had neither. Gavin had sold the property when she and Lyla went on the road. She would never admit it, but she was grateful he’d done so. She wouldn’t have been able to continue living there without Vinny. Gavin put her belongings in storage where they’d been for almost three years, like her.
Seeing her mother with a new man had been an out-of-body experience, one she hadn’t been prepared for. She assumed her mother would always be around while she figured out what to do with her life, only to discover that her mother had built a new life without her. She had truly been left behind.
She sat back and rested her hand on her aching heart. She’d lost the two most important men in her life so close together. Her father and Vinny had been her foundation. They loved her for who she was—the good, bad, and ugly—and she loved them back with the same fervor. Her father understood her nature and never tried to rein her in. He prepared her for life by drilling into her that she was capable of anything she put her mind to. The last time she saw her father was the day she left with Lyla to go on the road. Between Vinny and Manny’s murder and the attack on Lyla, she’d been a wreck.
“I know this seems impossible right now, baby, but you’re gonna pull through this. You’re strong, Carmen. Take care of Lyla. Get her out of here, give yourselves both time.” He buried his face in her hair. “When you’re ready to come home, we’ll be here.”
She blinked back tears as the echo of his words slipped through her mind. That was the last time she saw him alive. Fuck. She missed him. He’d want her to support her mother. That was what family did for one another. She was genuinely happy for her mother. No one should be alone, and her mother was a sweet woman who loved taking care of people. Soon, her mom would have more people to fuss over—a new husband and stepkids who were going to love her. Who wouldn’t? Her mother was the best.
Time passed. She didn’t give a fuck. The fact that her phone remained silent reinforced that she needed to do something with her life. No one would take her by the hand. No one would fawn over her. Soon, her mother would marry, and she would be living alone in her childhood home …
