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Mom gripped both of her hands hard enough to get her attention. “Do you know why I married your father?”
“You loved him.”
“Yes, but I didn’t marry him until I got pregnant, and I knew there was no going back.”
This was new information, but a little out of the blue. “What does that have to do with—?”
“I don’t know why I fell in love with a bad man, but I did. I knew what your father did for a living. I didn’t want to worry about him every time he went to work. I didn’t want to live like that, wondering if he would come home to me, but I got pregnant, and I committed.” Mom leaned forward. “Sometimes, innocents get hurt. Sometimes, he made mistakes. I saw the news, and I could put two and two together. I should have turned him in.”
She stared transfixed at her mother. She had never seen this side of her. Her mother had never voiced anything like this in her life. She had always seemed totally accepting of the ways of the underworld.
“Your father did what he did best and came home and was the best father to you and an amazing husband to me. I never turned him in.”
“Why?”
“Because I loved a good man who did bad things for a living. Even though some of the battles in the underworld are fought for money and territory, I told myself what he did was for the better good.” Mom stroked her face. “Your father had a code. It’s not one that everyone would understand, but he had one, and he was a good man.”
“He was the best,” she agreed.
“I supported your father even when I shouldn’t, even knowing people would lose their lives. Do you understand?”
“But—”
“Even if Vinny hadn’t become crime lord, there was always a possibility he could be targeted because he’s a Pyre.”
“Yes.”
“You supported your husband because you wanted what he wanted. That’s what a million other women and I have done for men who risk their lives for country or code. Loyalty, that’s what we bred in you. You’re your father’s daughter. He gave you grit, but he also gave you heart.You took action last night to protect your man. I’m just glad you’re breathing today.”
“Mom—”
She grasped her face between both hands. “You loved him, Carmen, more than life. You love me, which is why you gave your blessing when you found out about Marv.”
“Yes, but—”
“You love, and there’s no shame in that. You care. You deserve to be happy. Vinny wouldn’t blame you, would he?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
“No, he wouldn’t. What’s done is done. You did what you thought was right at the moment, and there’s no going back. You have so much life to live, Carmen.”
She sniffled. “I do?”
“You give so much you don’t even notice. My friends are fighting over whose son you get to meet first. You listen to them, spend time with them, take care of them. You tip the pregnant waitress without hesitation. You spread good wherever you go. You help with your friend’s businesses, volunteer, and don’t hesitate to drop everything if someone needs help. You’re a good person, and you won’t convince anyone otherwise.” She eyed her sternly. “Let it go, Carmen.”
“It’s not that easy,” she whispered.
“You’ll get there.”
“How?”
“Be around people who love and appreciate you.” She stood and hugged Carmen from behind. “We’ll love you back to life. It’s the most powerful force on the planet. It can do wonders.”
She let out a long breath and let her mother’s love soothe her raw wounds. “Okay.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
