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“She said she would be back.” I blew out my breath. “I just didn’t expect her so soon.”
“There’s someone with her.”
“Doctor Richardson,” I offered, trying and failing to prepare myself for this encounter.
She turned back to me. “Seriously? That’s a big step for you today, Maddie.”
Heat burned my cheeks, a mixture of embarrassment and pride.“I know.”
Looking down at my hands, I tried to tell myself it would be okay. I had agreed with Melanie last night that I would speak to Doctor Richardson, but now that it was time, I wasn’t so sure. I kept my knees pressed to my chest as I waited, barely realizing how much time had passed before Melanie and Doctor Richardson were standing in front of me.
“Hello, Maddie,” said the doctor. “How are you today?”
My words were caught in my throat, and I held my hands close together, afraid I might lash out at her again.
Mel and the doctor shared a look, and I really felt crazy. I needed to unlock my jaw and speak. I wasn’t a weak little girl. I wasn’t a victim—I would never be that again.
“Roni, will you help me?” I asked. “With Doctor Richardson.”
“I can help too,” said Mel quickly.
“I really don’t need you,” I said, and the look that crossed her face was as shocked as if I’d clocked her.
I couldn’t help it, though. She was the last person I wanted to hear me share any of the disgusting details about my past. She may have to deal with Angel’s darkness, but she didn’t live through what I did. She went to high school and college and wasn’t ever locked in a cage. Did I resent her? A little, but she also didn’t need to try to picture what I went through. Those were images I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
Roni had some of the same experiences. It wouldn’t be tragic for her like it would be for Mel.
“But I’m your sister—”
“I know,” I snapped, not caring that I cut her off. “All the more reason for you to wait inside. Or somewhere else.”
She had reminded me of our sisterhood too many times, but our blood didn’t make us alike. We grew up in very different ways. With our experiences now, we were as much sisters as I was with Roni or Bou.
Mel ducked her head, but I couldn’t help if she was upset that I’d chosen Roni over her. I didn’t need my twin sister to hear any of it. She already saw me as her failure.
Doctor Richardson was also looking at Mel with that pleading look in her eye. “We spoke about this possibility, Lanie.”
“Fine,” said Mel. “I’ll wait in the car. Call me if you need me.” She stalked off the porch quickly, but none of us moved until the Mini’s driver door slammed.
Doctor Richardson turned to me, wearing a neutral face. I couldn’t control my expression as well. Instead, I watched her openly and measured her like I imagined a shrink would judge her patient. She would crack open my brain like an egg, dissecting every piece of me. I tightened my grip on my knees.
“Can I sit?” asked the doctor, motioning to a chair opposite me, and I nodded. After she lowered herself down, she said, “While we’ve met before, Maddie, I think we should start fresh. I’m Doctor Ava Richardson, and I specialize in trauma counseling. Such as what you’ve experienced, Maddie, and you too, Roni, if I understand things correctly.”
Pink flushed Roni’s cheeks, but she raised her head. “Yes. I have. But I’m okay. I’ve met with plenty of therapists, and I have a social worker preparing me to testify against the Gambino crime family. I’m good. Really.”
I recognized the calm tone in her voice. “Can I do that too? Testify?”Will I be able to do that?Could I claim back my life like Roni had done with her own? Yes, I thought, but I would need Cook to help.
“We could meet with my lawyer and social worker,” said Roni, missing the real intent of my question. I, however, didn’t have it in me to correct her. Besides, if I could keep control over myself and it would help put a nail in Tommy G.’s coffin, I’d be happy to testify against him too.
“This is a good start,” said the doctor. “Fear and uncertainty are part of transitioning into a normal daily routine. Having Roni’s experience as an example may help you.”
She waited for me to make eye contact, then looked at Roni again. “Let’s talk more about what you are doing to gather control over your anxiety.”
Chapter 25
Cook
Today’s church was a longtime coming, and not just because of Massimo Parisi’s intrusion and demands. When Wilde came out to the Ridge—passing through and overstaying his welcome—it set our town onto a collision course with Diablo, an MC out of LA. After Celt popped Rex, our two motorcycle clubs merged, but none of the official shit had really happened yet.
