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I get it now.
Thomas did break me. He broke the old me, and he’s promised to be by my side as I rebuild myself, body and soul.
The door to the basement opens and Thomas enters. I stand up, wanting to speak to him on as equal footing as possible, despite being a good eight inches shorter.
He watches me warily, eyes narrowed, as he puts a cup of tea down. “Did you require something?”
“Yes.”
Crossing his arms, he asks, “What is it?”
“You.” He doesn’t say a word, so I go on, rambling. “I’m sure maybe I’m not perfect for you yet. Maybe you’ll have to work on me in the future. But … I believe you. I believe I belong with you. You’re the first person who never harmed me for fun, you’ve done things for me others would never have considered.”
Kidnapping, murder, torture. Yeah, no one would consider those as acts of love. But he did and still does. And he did itfor me. Not for himself. All he had to gain … was me.
Green eyes soften and he reaches out, hand brushing against my face. “You mean it, don’t you? You’re not conspiring to escape or placate me.”
I shake my head. “I’m not. I … have been safe here, with someone who only wants what’s best for me. Why would I ever leave? I don’t … I don’t know about love,” I admit. “I don’t even know if I am capable of feeling it or what it is. But I know that when I’m with you, even if I am hurt, you take care of me in the end.”
“Little dove, love looks different for us all, and it’s all right. God placing you in my life is enough to prove to me that love exists, even if you don’t know how to feel it or identify it yet. We have all the time in the world to figure it out.” He sighs. “I wish you had told me your truth sooner; perhaps everything could have been avoided.”
“Or…” I trail off, gathering my thoughts. “Maybe I had to go through the violence to understand who I am, really.”
That grin. I would wager that grin terrified many victims and enticed many lovers in the past. “My work on you has come leaps and bounds. I’m proud.” His hand moves down to my throat and the grin widens. “You understand now the purifying nature of pain, how receiving can clear your mind, and delivering it can ignite your soul.”
I nod and he gives my throat a single squeeze before letting go.
“I will bring you clothes; we have to see Father Oliver.”
He kisses my forehead and then leaves, and something inside me feels … different. I can’t explain it, but admitting the violence did help me, in more ways than one, feels liberating. I guess the truth really shall set you free.
Thomas returns with clothes and places them on the edge of the bed. “It will be a joy to finally move you upstairs, with me, where you belong. Not that the punishments weren’t fun.” The grin flashes again. “But now we can be more comfortable should that need ever arise. And for good wives, pleasure always follows punishment. Keep that in mind, little dove.”
If I speak, I will likely let out nothing except hot air, so I nod.
“I will wait outside; just open the door when you’re ready,” he says and exits.
Okay, okay, stop whatever all this is, Diana, I scold myself.At least pretend to be normal for once.
He brought me dark wash jeans and a light gray blouse and sneakers, nothing white or extravagant. I dress quickly and make sure my hair is brushed before opening the basement door.
Thomas is scrolling on his phone, and when the door opens he looks up and smiles. “I may be biased, but I do have the most beautiful bride.” He pockets his phone and holds his hand out to me.
“We can have phones?” I ask, taking his hand. It’s big and warm and rough in mine.
He nods. “We aren’t luddites. The reason for this community is because we strive to understand the outside world, not hide from it. It is because we know what goes on out there that we come here, to survive this Godlessness together. Wehave to be informed. And should things ever get worse, we have a place where doors will be open for all who wish to repent and join us.
“Father Oliver met Catherine when he was just a young pastor, ashamed at the world and his place in it. They started this compound after he brought her to his cabin here to train her and save her. The public attends our services, and precious few wish to go against the grain and join us.”
“Or are allowed to be saved, like me,” I guess and he smiles.
“Exactly. Now come.” He leads me upstairs and I stop once more as we reach the front door.
“No bracelet or anything?”
“No, my dear girl. You said you want to be with me, to surrender your old self entirely. I have to believe you meant it, or else we have no proper start to our lives together,” he explains. “I also believe you understand your rather unique position. The same one all who pledge themselves to our community are in, myself included: should you defy us, punishment will be severe … but not swift.”
I nod. “I realized the other day my choices were to accept what I am and be with you, or finally die as I wanted most of my life. I chose you. Ichooseyou, Thomas.”
