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“That’s good, isn’t it?”
She smiles her encouragement and I nod. “Of course. The catch was what they wanted in return.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I was celebrating my eighteenth birthday with some kids from high school. We decided to splash out and head to a bar that was normally out of reach.”
“Understandable. It was a momentous occasion.”
Ana smiles her encouragement and I hiss, “I wish I had never walked into that bar.”
“Why not?”
“Because that is where I mether.”
“Oh.”
Suddenly, she doesn’t look so sure she wants to hear my story and I take a gulp of coffee and then set it down on the table.
“She was older than me. At the time I was inexperienced and just enjoyed make out sessions with girls from school, nothing ever reaching past third base. My friends were much the same, but we decided my eighteenth was going to change that. We would start off inthe swankier bar attached to one where the girls charged extra, if you know what I mean.”
“I get the picture.”
She shrugs as if it’s nothing, and I run my fingers through my hair and sigh deeply.
“This woman sent a bottle of champagne to our table and, as expected, we drank every drop. I thought it polite to go and thank her and I’m not making excuses I flirted with her. She was older but classy and giving off serious interest vibes, so I sat with her and chatted for a while. Well, things escalated real damn quick, and we ended up grabbing a cab to her apartment nearby. By now my friends were desperate to move on and so I waved them goodbye and left with the woman.”
“You were brave.”
Ana smiles but I note the anxiety in her expression and she is right to be.
“When we got there she fixed me another drink, for the nerves she said. She left me under no illusion of what she wanted from me and I was curious. As I accepted her drink, she sat beside me and loosened my tie, placing my hand on her breast, and asked me if I wanted her. Of course I said yes, it was a given because I went to her apartment. She began to kiss me and I won’t elaborate on what happened, but she seduced me. I was willing, though. I couldn’t believe my luck and then as the drink began to take effect, I felt strange.”
“She drugged you?”
Ana’s eyes are wide and I nod. “Yes. I must have passed out because when I woke up, I was still naked in the room, but I couldn’t move. She had chained me to the bed.”
“You are kidding me!”
Ana’s expression of horror is nothing to what I felt at the time and it still occupies my nightmares, even to this day.
“It must have been a few minutes after I woke up that she returned. I begged her to release me and she told me I needed to be taught a lesson.”
I breathe a ragged sigh and say roughly, “She beat the shit out of me while I couldn’t defend myself. She whipped me, dragged a knife against my skin, and slapped me across the face. I had no way of protecting myself and the beating lasted all day.”
“No way!”
Ana’s eyes are misted with tears and I swallow hard. The emptiness I hold inside enabling me to speak about this as if it was someone else.
“She would leave and return with water to keep me going. Then she would resume her torture. She told me it was to break me and to rebuild me into the perfect man. I endured this for two days before she told me I was ready. When she released me, I was weak and she fed me something that contained even more drugs. I became dependent on her. She tore away my resistance and made me crave her attention. I became her toy and in return, she taught me everything she knew about sex. It became a craving, a violent need inside me, and themore pain she inflicted on me, the more I desired. It was a toxic relationship, if you can even call it that.”
“What happened then?”
Ana reaches out and just her hand resting on my leg is enough to calm my frayed nerves, and I sigh. “She got bored. She told me it was time to move on, but she would help me. She would pay my way through college in return for meeting her once a month and allowing this to continue. It seemed like the perfect arrangement, and it was to a degree. I honored my side of the deal and so did she. It became important to me. I needed the flogging she gave me every time we met, when she would accuse me of cheating on her with college whores. It was violent, destructive and raw and I became addicted to the rough sex.”
“What happened after you graduated?”
“She found me a job.”
