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I also wonder how boring it would be for him to stay cooped up in his room if she doesn’t come over for a few hours a day. And that would physically set him back tenfold.
I tell her that I’ll let her know what we decide, and I emphasize thewe. Inside, though, I’m chastising myself because I feel like I don’t deserve him anymore, not after what I did with Damon. Not after my thoughts keep drifting toward another man.
We finish our lunch and talk about my job, which makes me wonder how much Harv has told her about us.
After my lunch with Claire, I don’t see Damon the rest of the day—he’s out to a meeting all afternoon.
On my way home from work, I call Layla, my best friend, who’s still traveling the world with her fiancé. My twin sister, Gia, told her about a new man in my life, and it frustrates me that she once again revealed my secrets.
I’m used to it by now, but it doesn’t lessen my annoyance with my sister.
I dodge most of Layla’s questions about Damon, unwilling to speak to someone else about this. I’m grateful when she returns the subject to her trip and Gia’s pregnancy.
When I finally get home, I find Harvey watching TV. I do a double take after removing my coat and boots, because I find Harvey sitting on the couch, away from his wheelchair.
It’s not the first time, but the sight is a rare one.
I bring our bag of food with me. “Harvey.” I smile, and he gives me a nod in return. Seeing him like this, on the couch, fills me with pride.
“I got takeout,” I say, placing it on our food trays.
He smiles, and I wonder if he means it or not. Then I decide it doesn’t matter. If he’s trying, so will I.
I go to my room to change into comfy clothes and come back in a long T-shirt, fuzzy socks, and a loose hoodie.
I realize it’s nice to have him here when I sit next to him.
Then I remember that we might fight tonight. There’s no way he’ll want to reduce Claire’s hours.
We watch TV while eating, and he keeps watching me. He seems nervous for some reason. Maybe Claire told him about our lunch?
“What’s wrong?” What did he do with Claire now?
“Nothing. I wanted to try something.”
“Try what?” Before I have the chance to ask anything else, he takes my hand, coaxing my body to settle closer to his. Nerves intensify inside my stomach walls. My heart is practically in my throat as I sit next to him, hand in hand.
The screaming lady in my head is crying now. She’s so sad it hurts.
Why couldn’t he have done thisbeforeI met Damon? I’d like to believe I would’ve never fallen for Damon if Harv and I had been good.
“I want you to know that I appreciate everything you do for me.” He stares deep into my eyes like he’s trying to skydive into the window of my soul. I see the slight movement of his head inching closer to mine, and in a flash his lips are over mine—soft and apologetic.
It’s nothing like his old, urgent kisses. It’s barely a prolonged peck at first.
But his hand on the side of my neck feels nice. Especially when he lets his forefinger trace my collarbone—his past weakness.
I can’t even remember the last time he’s touched me like this. The last time we had sex—the day of the accident—it was just a quickie.
Flashes of Damon skim through my mind, and there’s no way to stop the turmoil growing within me.
I pull away, feeling as if I’m cheating on Damon.
A small laugh passes my lips, surprising Harv, as I run to the washroom and shut the door. As soon as I settle on the ceramic floor, my stomach hurls the contents of my dinner into the toilet.
When I’m done, I wipe my mouth with a tissue, gathering my breath.
“I’m so screwed.”
