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The paranoia that any day could be the tipping point for him.
“I’m just tipsy. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He chuckles, squeezing my hand. He smells good. He’s finally wearing cologne.
“Promise me.”
“I won’t kill myself.” He rolls his eyes. “If I wanted to, I would’ve done so a long time ago.”
I nod, biting my lip. “I hate that you could so easily give her what you couldn’t give me.”
He pats my hair, and I know it must look crazy to an outsider. “I hate myself for it too. But it wouldn’t have mattered. As long as you would’ve met him and I her, it wouldn’t have changed anything in the long run.”
The foreign feeling lodges back in my throat.
I shouldn’t fault you for leading me down the worst and best path of my life.
“How are you,really?”
“I have good and bad days.”
I press his hand over my heart. “One phone call and I’m here. Okay?”
A blurriness fills his eyes. “I’m trying hard, Gemma. It’s not easy without you. You brought something with your silence. You comforted me.”
I stand, leaning forward to kiss his cheek before pulling back and walking toward the door.
“Be happy, Harv. Be the happiest happy person you can be because that’ll makemehappy.”
He nods as Claire walks out of his room, ready to console the man I’ve spent the last few years supporting.
Then I walk to my dad’s car, Harvey’s moment taking a front-row seat to my entire day. Damon’s call appears through Bluetooth, and I answer.
“Baby,” he says.
I clear my throat, reversing out of the driveway.
“Gemma?”
“Hmm.” I’m holding everything in, and it’s ready to come down and crash around my feet, shattering my heart in the process.
“Where are you?” The silence after is deadly. He knows. He’s asking a question he already knows the answer to.
“I’m heading home.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I swallow. “I just need a minute. I need a minute to process.”
“So do I.” He hangs up.
Dammit.
I hope we won’t fight tonight.
I don’t think I’ve ever trembled as much as I did on my way to Harvey’s house. Thinking he hurt himself. Thinking I might’ve caused that. Thinking of losing him forever.
Damon beats me to my dad’s place, which means he was already on his way over before we spoke on the phone. He came for me after I texted him that I missed him, and now he knows I went back to my ex’s place.
I keep messing up. I keep doing things I shouldn’t do, hurting the people that I love. Why can’t I ever get it right?
