AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It’s not fair to either of us.
“You don’t know what it’s like.” He looks away, biting on his lip. “To be in this fucking chair ... to struggle to walk ... you don’t know what it’s like!”
He eyes me warily before he continues, “Instead of us being equals, you have to look down at me all the time. I can’tbethe man I used to be. I can’tdothe things I used to do with you. I can’t ride with you, and I sure as hell can’t be the man who walks up to you and fucks you against the wall.” He runs out of breath when he finishes, and finally he’s shedding some light as to why he might’ve pushed me away.
“Harvey,” I whisper. “The body doesn’t make the man ... his spirit does. And in case you haven’t noticed, you have a really nice body.” I clear my throat. “You know I’ll never be able to understand, but you could’ve let me in.”
“I did—”
“No.” I shake my head. “No. You let Claire in, not me. Seriously, Harvey, why her?”
“Because you’re on my case for everything. For fuck sakes, Gemma, she’s my nurse, yet you treat me more like a patient than she does!”
I replay his words—wondering if there’s any truth to them—if I really treated him like fragile glass. If I might’ve broken my promise to him, too, since I promised him after the accident that I wouldn’t treat him as such.
Is that when he started resenting me? When I started treating him like a to-do list rather than a human being?
He breathes deeply. “And Claire is just light ... in this darkness.”
His words cut deep. It’s as I suspected—she’s a lovely sunny summer day, while I’m quiet chaos.
I clear my throat. “You never gave me a chance to make it better. You never even gaveyourselfa chance to be better, to go outside and smell the fresh air. You don’t even leave your damn room, Harv. But listen—it doesn’t have to be all bad.”
“It’s not that simple—to be constantly stared at and pitied everywhere you go.”
I stare at the ceiling, trying to contain the tears before I whisper, “Why didn’t you tell me you felt this way?”
He swallows, and I know that I’m right. I crawl to the end of the bed, sitting on my knees, reaching for his hand, but he swats mine away.
Always, always, always pushing me away.
Just like Damon.
“Well, I’m telling you now.”
“And that’s the problem. You’re telling me now, not then. You can be happy with her, you know. It’s okay.”
I keep all my emotions in check so I don’t collapse and lose every part of myself in front of him. “You’ll be okay. Youwillbe happy one day.” My voice breaks when I notice a tear leak from his eye. He’s blinking rapidly, refusing to look at me, but I continue. I have so much to say to him, so much to get off my chest. “You can continue drawing and maybe start working at the tattoo parlor? Even if for an hour. You can—”
“Stop! Why the fuck do you want to leave meso bad?”
When he closes his eyes, I muster the bravery of a thousand soldiers. “You deserve better. We both do.”
“Why, because you’re whoring around with your boss, or because you love him?”
I take a deep breath, containing my anger, trying to wash away the fact that he loves another woman. Because I cheated first.
It’d break his heart to admit the truth, and I don’t have a heart anymore. It’s gone. Damon has it, and the rest is smashed into pieces.
I have nothing left for Harv.
So, I ignore his question, hoping to save him from more pain.
But he grinds his teeth instead, hatred pouring out of his light-blue eyes like acid burning me alive.
“I hate you.” He wheels himself back like a caged animal, ready to escape, as if he suddenly realized the truth his statement holds. “Ihateyou.”
He rubs his eyes, and the words leave my mouth before it’s too late, before I repeat this vicious cycle—the one drowning me over and over again without any light in sight.
