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What will I do? What the hell will I do?
How can kissing him feel like a death sentence, like I broke an unbreakable vow with a man who doesn’t want me and left after sleeping with me?
I don’t wait for answers, knowing they never come.
Instead, I brush my teeth and wash my hands before heading back to the living room, sitting next to him, but with enough distance to clear my head.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Must’ve been the takeout.”
He nods, and I can’t bear seeing the sadness creeping into his eyes, so I take his hand in mine and squeeze it gently.
When it’s time to go to bed, I clean up, giving him space to transfer from the couch to his wheelchair.
The man hates for me to see him struggle, even though it’s not struggling—it’s progress. The amount of arm and torso strength he uses to end up in his wheelchair shows his improvement. He does it so swiftly, too, but his pride won’t let him see it that way.
I want to tell him about Claire, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Not tonight.
“I’m proud of you,” I tell him once he’s in his chair.
I see the bobbing of his Adam’s apple, and he smiles before wheeling away. “Good night, Gemma.”
I wake up to the sound of laughter. I tie my hair up in a bun and recognize Henrik’s voice joking around with Harvey.
Not many people can make Harvey laugh like that—not even Claire.
I suspect Harv’s been in a better mood since his physical advances and my agreeing to work things out between us. I hope he’s not faking it, because I love hearing him laugh.
I put on a bra and leggings underneath my long shirt and head to the washroom to clean up. My phone vibrates on my drawer when I walk back to my room, so I pick up my sister’s call.
“Why’re you avoiding me?” Gia goes straight to the point. I can almost taste her anger from a distance for leaving many of her texts unanswered.
“It’s been a busy week.”
“Okay. I’m sorry for what I said, Gem, about growing up. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“It’s okay, Gia. I’m more annoyed that you told Layla about Damon.”
Silence.
She tells my dad everything. I know that and I’ve accepted that. But sharing it with our best friend, when I’m not ready for anyone else to know, bothered me.
“You’re right. I should’ve asked first. I’m sorry, I ...”
She can’t help it. I know her, and she means well. “It’s fine, it’s done.”
I also know she must be dying to ask me what’s going on—if I’m back with Harvey or pursuing things with Damon. I don’t blame her for being confused, since I stayed at her place sporadically while Harv and I were fighting.
“Well, Athena misses you. We’re bringing her tubing tomorrow. Wilmot Mountain has a kiddie hill. You should come—drink hot chocolate. Dad’s coming too.”
She drives a hard bargain by bringing up Athena. I miss spending time with my niece. If she would’ve asked me to join them months ago, I would’ve said no, for Harvey.
Today, I choose for myself, not based on what would make him happy.
“I’ll come.”
“Great.” I hear the smile in her voice. “I miss you, Gem. I love you, always.”
