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The memories flood back, eager to wash away the light, the peace, the happiness. I don’t let them—I refuse to start this walk in tears. Because time has passed, and those memories have come and gone so often over the last two and a half years they don’t feel as deeply engrained in me.
To the point where I can breathe in the smell of pine trees and be grateful that it’s not snowing with a mix of rain today. Rather, it’s the perfect Sunday for a stroll. And the white snow covering the tips of the branches makes it look beautiful.
Beautiful enough to wander into the forest and get lost.
Would he even care if I don’t make it back?
I push every lingering thought away. All of it. I don’t want to think.
All I want is this silence.
Snow and pine trees.
I’m walking and walking. I don’t stop. I pick up my pace until I finally reach a massive gray rock covered in snow. I remove the snow and sit on it.
Brown eyes pop into my head; they’re the wrong set of eyes. They’re supposed to be blue and belong to a blond-haired man. Not the dark ones of my mercurial boss.
I look up. Is my mom up there? Around me? Can she see me suffer?
Will I ever be truly happy again?
I miss her. I might’ve been young when I lost her, but younever forget your mom. I had eleven years with her, and the loss still feels tremendous.
I’ll always remember the way my dad fought for her andwithher. He never gave up on her. He never gave up on us.
You don’t give up on the people you love. You just don’t.
I stay unmoving, taking in the nature around me. My body is getting cold from my current state. Then I keep walking until I’m ready to go back home, shower, and have a nice chill rest of the day while Harvey broods in his room.
Almost Four Years Ago . . .
“Harvey,” I mutter as he starts walking behind me, his hands under my hoodie.
“What?” He feigns innocence but I can hear the coyness in his voice.
He called me to be ready for a walk less than an hour ago. Gia said that if dead feminists saw how easily I agreed to meet him, they’d be rolling in their graves. I told her that between me and them I’d be the one getting laid.
We’re now strolling on my campus with his hands wrapped around my waist. It makes for an awkward walk, but that doesn’t deter him.
He pauses for a second, stopping me from going farther. “Once exams are done, will I see more of you?”
I tilt my head up, seeing the sincerity pour out of his deep blue eyes. “You want to?”
“Yes. You make me happy, Gemma. You’re so...genuine.”
“And what about the girls who follow you everywhere?” I was never really the jealous type. Still, Harvey’s sort of a player.I don’t think he can help it. He’s fun, flirty, and hot girls gravitate toward him.
“They’re just girls.” He kisses me on the neck, pulling down my hoodie to reach my collarbone.
I gasp when his lips press on it. “As opposed to what I am...” I stare him dead in the eyes, needing to know I’m not wasting my time. My freshman and sophomore years of college were full of flings, and I was hoping not to have a rerun of that during my senior year.
“Youhave girlfriend potential.” He holds my chin up, showcasing his warmest smile. He doesn’t play fair—him and his dimples. The way he twists me around quickly earns a small laugh out of me, as I hold on to his shirt for support.
When his mouth reaches mine, the butterflies start fluttering deep within. My arms latch around his neck, in the hopes that he’ll bring his body closer to mine.
He does.
His arms snake around my waist, lifting me to my toes, as I feel his smile against my lips.
