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I knock.
“Come in.”
The simple click of the buttons of his game console is enough to trigger me. And to think I was once obsessed with it.
I sit on his bed, right next to him, as he stares ahead at the TV screen.
“Did you go outside today for a bit?”
His jaw ticks, and he shakes his head, stabbing the buttons on the controller slightly louder. “Nope.”
I want to tell him to get some vitamin D. There’re too many words at the tip of my tongue—always more things I want to tell him, but he doesn’t seem to care.
We stay in silence until he wins the level of his game. Finally, he turns to face me, to acknowledge me, and my heart combusts.
The smallest gesture can send me over the moon.
“How was work?”
I smile because he doesn’t even begin to understand what the tiniest effort on his part means to me. It means the world. He’s my world, and I want to be his.
“It was good.”
He nods. “I’m happy for you, Gemma.”
I clear my throat, then I take his hand in mine. My heart flutters at his compliment, seeking more, like a creature in need of power.
He looks away, squeezing my hand, and I wonder if he’s thinking about our kiss. Gone is the honest boyfriend I dated for over a year before the accident. Now, he’s one with feelings buried too deep to uncover.
I want to kiss him again, but I don’t.
Last time I did he avoided me for days, and I don’t want a repeat. So I let him know that I have to make a call and that dinner will be ready in ten.
Claire is chirpier than usual when I call her to ask if she can work with Harv during weekdays while I’m at work and focuson the physical therapy exercises set out by Stefan. I imagine she’s keen on getting a full-time gig so soon post-graduation.
Massive clouds of doubt fill my head, but I can’t ignore the fact that Harvey gets along well with her. She’s good at her job, she’s punctual, and I can count on her to remember things.
Harv and I have a quiet dinner before he retreats to the bathroom. Dishes in the dishwasher, I press my ear against the bathroom door, hearing the water running.
I remember when he had a caretaker helping him shower, but now that he can lift himself and walk a small distance while holding on to the shower railing, he showers alone. There’s also a sitting area in the shower in case he needs a break.
I twist the door handle and sigh in relief when I realize he didn’t lock it. That was our deal—to leave the door unlocked.
Just in case.
I head to my room until it’s my turn to shower. Then I breathe in his scent, the bathroom still smelling like him.
The sweet amber and cinnamon aroma brings back memories of me leaning against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, inhaling his perfume.
I should’ve appreciated those moments more. Now they’re gone, and I’ll never get them back.
After my shower, I say goodnight to Harvey before I head to bed to read Harry Potter.
Tomorrow is another day.
A new day.
Sometimes life is messy. It’s darkness and emotions. It’s beauty. It’s success. It’s failure. It’s the unknown.
