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I had to chuckle. My girl was hurting, still crying, and she was still giving me shit.
“Christ, I love you, Applejack.” The words just slipped out, but they felt right. Like I’d been waiting all my life to tell her that again. I had the feeling every single time I told her I loved her it would always feel like that. This woman was myone. No one else would ever do for me. “I have from the first day I met you.” I grinned down at her shell-shocked expression. “Shoulda known then I needed to treat you differently than anyone else in my life. You’re not a woman to sit by and watch while her mantakes care of business. Just like your sister. Only… softer.”
I expected her to scowl and tell me she was exactly like her sister and fuck me for saying she wasn’t or something similar, but she just gave me a sheepish grin. “Lemon’s always been the warrior. I’m the nurturer. I like taking care of people.”
“I know, baby. It’s part of why I wanted to protect you. Even from myself. If anything had happened to you because of me, I’d never forgive myself. I tried to keep you safe by making sure you were sent away somewhere no one would find you, but you got hurt anyway.”
“And you came the second Lemon called you. I’ve been trying to hold on to my anger because of what you said that day, but the truth is, Lemon would have done the same thing for me. No matter how much it hurt. She might not have taken it as far as you did, but she’d have sent me wherever she thought I’d be the safest. And it kind of hurts to admit everyone in my life thinks I’m not strong enough to fight my own battles or to have their backs when they need it.” She turned away as she said that last bit.
“Honey, it’s not that we don’t think you’re strong enough. You’re as much a warrior as anyone here. You don’t take shit and you’re not afraid to give as good as you get. But that’s not your nature. Me? Lemon? Everyone who knows you. We want to keep that part of you safe and encourage those tender feelings in you.” I smiled at her before leaning in to brush my lips against hers briefly. “The truth is, we need people like you to keep us grounded. To remind us why we do what we do. Otherwise, the killin’ we have to do would suck out our souls eventually.”
She blinked up at me. “That might be the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
That got a chuckle from me. “Well, it’s the truth, baby. You are the heart and soul of everyone around you.”
She leaned into my chest again, her tears wetting myshirt, but this time they seemed less bitter. “I just need you to promise me, Deacon. No more secrets, no more trying to shield me by pushing me away. If we’re doing this… if we’re really doing this, it’s got to be together. All in, side by side.”
I nodded, pressing my forehead against hers. “No more secrets,” I confirmed. “Everything out in the open, even the ugly parts. Even the dangerous bits.”
“That’s all I ever wanted.” Apple’s eyes filled with tears again, but this time they sparkled with a different emotion -- hope, maybe even forgiveness. “You’re still an asshole, though.” She gave me a disgruntled look before pressing her lips to mine in a sweet kiss.
“Yeah, baby. Got that. Lemon made it known too.”
She tilted her head. “Yeah? What’d she say?”
“Oh, it wasn’t so much what she said as what she did. My balls hurt so bad I’m surprised I can walk straight.”
Apple gave me a brilliant smile. “Good. That means I don’t have to.” Her smile faded then and she took on a serious mien. “I mean it, Deacon. If we do this, if we really try again, it can’t be like before. You can’t just decide things for me -- no matter how good your intentions are.”
I nodded, understanding the weight of her words. “I know. And I swear to you I won’t repeat the same mistakes. We’ll make decisions together this time.” It was a promise I intended to keep, a lesson I had learned the hard way. “I’m not going to lose you because I’m stupid, Apple.”
She gave a delicate snort. And, really, it was just too cute for words. Finally, I could see my Apple peeking out from the fort she’d built around her emotions, and I wanted to thump my chest and howl with jubilation. “You’re a guy, Deacon. It’s an unspoken truth that you’re gonna do stupid shit.”
That made me bark out an unexpected laugh. “Yeah, baby. I can’t deny that. Pesky Y chromosome.”
“Exactly. Does something to muddle the mind.”
And just like that, the weight of the world lifted just a little from my shoulders. My knees went weak, and I had to back up a couple steps to the sofa so I could collapse, still holding Apple tightly in my arms.
I buried my face in her neck, inhaling her sweet fragrance. “Fuckin’ wildflowers and honey,” I muttered against her skin.
“What?”
“Your smell. Wildflowers and honey.”
She gave me a shy smile. “You like the way I smell?”
“I love every fuckin’ thing about you, Apple.”
She rested her head on my shoulder, and I felt her relax in a way she hadn’t in a long time. Not even after we’d made love. Her body was no longer tense with the burden of unspoken words and pent-up frustrations. Instead, there was a softness, an easing of the sharp edges that had defined our recent encounters. “I love you too, Deacon.”
“You never made it a secret. You were all in with me from the very first. I was too. Just had trouble showing it. First because you were fuckin’ sixteen. Then because of all the shit I had to do.”
“Yeah, well, you can’t say you weren’t warned I was trouble. The signs were there.”
I grinned. “Yeah. Trouble with a capital T-R-O-U-B-L-E.”
Apple pulled back slightly, the glint of determination returning to her gaze. “Then we start fresh.Tabula rasa.”
