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And just like that, I thought I might die if I couldn’t have him right this second. I cried out against his lips and Deacon swallowed my scream. He urged my leg higher on his hip so he could rock against me, rubbing his cock between my legs over my pussy. My body jerked in reaction and Deacon gripped my ass through my thin, cotton shorts, squeezing and kneading almost reflexively.
Then he let out a deep sigh, pulling back to bury his face in my neck. “Christ, Apple. What the fuck am I gonna do with you?”
“What do you want to do with me?” I gazed up at him, my eyes wide.
“I want to eat you up,” he growled.
Chapter Seven
Deacon
Christ. I was so fucked. I definitely shouldn’t have said I wanted to eat her up, but it was the truth. Every fiber of my being hummed with the need to have Apple, to claim her as mine in every way that mattered. It wasn’t just physical, though God knew that part was overwhelming. It was deeper, carved into the very marrow of my bones.
“I mean it,” I continued, my voice hoarse with raw emotion. “I want all of you, Apple. Every single piece. This time, I absolutely will not give you up. No matter what.”
Every damn cell in my body screamed for her. The way she looked up at me, those big blue eyes made me feel like some kind of hero instead of the mess I really was. But God, she’d believed in me once, believed in us, and that made all the difference. I knew I had a long way to go before she trusted me again. I deserved her anger.
“We need to talk about this, Deacon.” Her voice was rough with emotion. “Really talk. About everything. I’m not referring to your reasons for leaving. I’m talking about you leaving at all.” She pushed me away just enough to see my face clearly but allowing me to still cover her delectable body with my own.
I loved our size difference. Always had. When I’d first found out how young she was, I’d had reservations about making her mine, but the longer I was around her, the more I learned how truly gentle and good she was, the more I craved her. If anything, the age and experience disparity sent a thrill through me. I wanted to be the man to corrupt little Apple, though, I had the feeling she’d give me a run for my money if she ever went allin with me.
“Yeah, baby. I know. I know,” I grunted before leaning down to kiss her again. I couldn’t help it. Any distance between us once I’d started this was completely unacceptable. “Let me take care of you, Apple. I swear I’ll never leave you again.”
She looked at me. I could see the indecision in her eyes. I also could tell she didn’t believe me.
“Don’t promise me things you can’t deliver on, Deacon.” She reached up and brushed my cheek with her cool palm. “I want you, but I don’t expect a happily-ever-after.”
“Tough. I’m never leaving you again, so you’re stuck with me.”
She didn’t look convinced as she continued to pet my cheek as if for her own comfort. I knew I absorbed her touch like a hungry sponge.
The silence between us stretched, loaded with a million unspoken thoughts and raw emotions. I watched as Apple’s eyes flickered with a painful kind of hope, tinged by the shadows of past disappointments. It was clear she was fighting a war within herself, trying to decide whether to guard her heart or surrender to what we both felt pulsating between us like a living thing.
As much as I wanted to believe my own words, to make them solid and real, doubts gnawed at me. Not doubts about Apple or if she was the woman I wanted. I knew unequivocally Apple was the woman I needed in my life. She was the bright spot in my life that made all the ugly bearable. Being without her for more than a year after seeing her nearly every day had me feeling stretched. Thin. Like my sanity was on the very edge. Apple soothed me in ways I had never appreciated.Before.
“I can’t think about the future now, Deacon. Not now.”
“I’ll give you everything,” I said, my voice fervent, desperate even. “Anything you want, anything you need from me. I’m always gonna be here, baby. I was wrong to leave youlike I did.”
“I understand you had things to do for the club. Iron Tzars needs good men like you. I get you were trying to take down a human trafficking ring and I’d never get in the way of your work. What hurt the most was the way you shut me out. It’s like you saw me as a child instead of your woman.”
“Apple…” I breathed out a sigh and buried my face in her neck. I wanted to deny she was right, but I couldn’t. “I thought I knew what was best for you. I just wanted to keep you safe. Even from me.”
“You’d never hurt me, Deacon. I know that. And I get you were trying to make sure no one could get to you through me. Not for yourself. But for me.”
“Don’t kid yourself, baby. I did it for me too. The thought of being the reason someone tried to hurt you was more than I could handle. It made me need to push you away, even at the expense of your own happiness. You’re young. I hoped you’d get over me and move on.” I frowned. “No. That’s not true. The thought of you with another man ain’t somethin’ I can deal with either.”
“What exactly were you hoping to accomplish?” That was my Apple. She was compassionate, intelligent, and no-nonsense when she needed to be. She also knew me well enough to know I was only telling half the truth.
“Christ.” I scrubbed a hand over my face as I rolled off her to my back on the bed. I took her with me, though she was sprawled on top of me. “All I could think about was keeping you safe. Makin’ sure none of that filth ever touched you.”
“You can’t control everything, Deacon. It touched me without anything to do with you. Calista and Olivia are my friends. I might not have met them if I hadn’t come to be with Lemon.” She sighed, then laid her head on my shoulder. Her legs straddled my hips and it was all I could do not to raise my hipsto find contact with her sweet cunt. Even if it was through her shorts. “I learned to live without you. Here. In this place. Now, you invaded my hiding place. I pushed my way through losing you once. I’m not doing it again. So, if you’re not sure or if you plan on going off to fight a war or take down a small country, or go fight the cartel over their skin trade, I want you to leave. Now. If you don’t, I’m not ashamed to pull my sister’s rank and get her to kick you out.”
“Ain’t goin’ nowhere ever again unless you’re with me. That means I request to patch in with Grim Road, then that’s what I do.”
She didn’t move for a long while. Her head on my shoulder, she snuggled her face against my neck and lay there. In the years I’d spent with Apple in the Iron Tzars MC compound, I’d cuddled with her plenty. Even after I’d left. When I did manage to come home, I spent time with her watching a movie on the couch with her in my arms under a blanket. Sure, my hands had drifted. Hers had too. But even those wonderful touches paled in comparison with how it felt to have Apple in my arms right now.
“I don’t know if I trust you with my heart, Deacon. I’m not sure I’ll ever get there. But I want to give you my body. At least, for now. I can’t promise anything after tonight, though. I just know I’ll regret it if I don’t take this time with you. After that, we can go about our business and reevaluate our expectations for each other.”
