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“What Amelia? Why have you run from every relationship you’ve ever had?”
“I don’t know,” I lie as I finish drying the dishes.
“You can’t lie to me honey. Why do you always find a way out?” she asks me, reaching for my hands to stop me from leaving the kitchen.
“Because losing my heart to someone scares me. I know it’ll never last and I don’t want to face the pain when it doesn’t,” I admit with a sigh as her expression shows her shock and dismay over my words.
“Where is this coming from? Why do you think it’ll never last?”
“Because it doesn’t for me. When I was fifteen and had started to see Todd, they upped and moved away without him even telling me it was happening. It was just ripped out from under me. When I was seventeen and was with Jeremy, he cheated on me with my best friend. Breaking my heart not once but twice that she could also do that to me. Eighteen and Nick—he cheated on me with my other best friend who was a guy…I don’t exactly have the best record for choosing guys that won’t hurt me like it doesn’t really matter.”
“Rafe isn’t like them though. He loves you honey.”
“Which is why it worries me so much,” I admit. “What happens if I do say yes to him, admit that I love him and I lose him? If I give him everything I am and it’s still not enough? How do I go on from there?”
“What if you don’t lose him? What if the only thing standing between you and a long life of happiness together is your worry? Why make yourself miserable when you don’t have to be?” Mom asks and it’s exactly what I’ve been trying to find myself. I know she’s right, but I don’t have any more answers then I did when we left New York.
“I don’t know. I just…need some room to breathe right now,” I tell her. “Can I borrow the car for a bit?”
“You’re leaving Rafe and Maggie here?”
“They’ll have the rental, have Gran and Gramps show them the park. I just…I need to think, and this place is where I need to do it at.”
“Alright, it’s still your car,” Mom says, and I head into the living room to talk to Maggie for a moment.
‘Hey sweetie, I’m going to go out for a little bit. There’s something I need to do, alright?’
‘You’re coming back though, right?’
‘Yeah I’m coming back. I might be gone for the day. Don’t worry. Gran and Gramps will show you all around town and then tomorrow maybe we can have some time to find a few places they don’t know about,’ I add wanting to show her my secret hiding spots.
‘I love you,’ Maggie says after hugging my neck.
‘I love you too, sweet girl,’ I admit and the smile that touched her lips told me that I couldn’t put this off any longer. I headed back through the kitchen, grabbing my purse to head to the garage and tell Mom, “Let Rafe know I’ll be back and to just let me do this okay?”
“I will,” she promises, and I quickly head to the car.
The drive takes me about twenty minutes, long enough for me to get myself under control and when I pulled up in front of the house a ton of memories hit me. I walked up the sidewalk and rang the bell as I forced the need to run back down. I almost let it take me back over when the door opened, and I was face-to-face with Harrison.
“Amelia? What are you doing here?” he asked stepping out onto the front stoop.
“Can we talk?” I ask him and he nods pulling the door shut behind him. I head back down the sidewalk until we reached the edge of the road and stopped. “I’m sorry for just showing up like this but…”
“What’s wrong, Ame?” he asks me, and I feel the tears well up.
“I just needed some answers, I guess. I couldn’t listen to them back then but now…”
“You want to know why Chad died?” he says, and I nod.
“I just need to understand because…”
“Because why? Why now Amelia? You said you’d never want to know why he’d do something so stupid, and selfish, and thoughtless seven years ago.”
“I met someone a few months ago,” I explain, seeing the surprise on his face at the news. “It’s getting serious but every time he talks about the future I pull back.”
“Why?”
“Because of Chad,” I admit to the first person ever. Well, other than to myself that is. Chad’s death shattered me, and I never dealt with it. I know that. Hell, it’s why I keep pushing Rafe away because I love him more than I ever loved Chad. Chad’s death nearly destroyed me. Losing Rafe…would kill me because there’s not a chance in this world that I’m strong enough to survive it. That is why I run from everyone that makes me feel even the slightest bit of emotion.
