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Will takes a deep breath and I’m starting to think the conversation alone is getting him going.
“And you still expect me to trust you.” I try to sound irritated but hearing him even remotely aroused always has the same effect on me.
“Yes.” His voice goes back to light and friendly. “You remember what you told me?”
I chuckle at an argument he’s made before and I give him the same answer. “I’ve told you a lot.”
“Let me put it this way. I will fuck you bloody if that’s what I want. Is that messed up? Probably. I don’t deny it, but I also don’t fight it. I know what I want and what I want more thananythingis knowing that you’re letting me do it.”
Good to know he’s got some limits. Maybe even more than I can say for myself. Thinking of this must keep me quiet for too long because he fills the silence.
“Cas, I mean it. I’m probably always going to want to hurt you, but I would never do anything without saying so first. You got that, baby?”
“Yeah.” I take a deep breath of pleasure at the very thought, recalling the last time I saw him. I’ve experienced enough to know he likes it rough, but that’s not really the problem. Hell, I like killing guys, so I’m in no position to judge. What I need to know is that he can match what I’ve mastered: self-control.
The last time I saw him, I spent the night at his house after our date. Admittedly, being alone with him and in a situation I potentially can’t control always puts me on edge. It’s a stupid move on my part. And I can’t stop making those. Even if my decision-making ability has deteriorated, it’s not as much of a problem as my self-control waning. Because when I had him alone in his bed, as nervous and vulnerable as he got me, I didn’t feel that way once I swung a leg over him and straddled his lap. He gobbled up my kisses so greedily he either didn’t notice or didn’t care when I wrapped my hands around his neck, brushing my thumbs near his Adam’s apple. It would’ve been so easy for me.
Remembering is enough to get me hard, only I can’t say for sure anymore what excites me most—which is why I attempted to get one urge out of my system for now. Icanalways kill someone else. It won’t be as good as killing Will, but it will satisfy me temporarily. Icannotenjoy sex with someone else. This has been a tried-and-true fact long before Will and I evenmet. Keeping him around solely for that reason seems to make more and more sense every day, but in the back of my mind, the promise I made to myself keeps resurfacing. Icankill him still. Just not yet. Not yet.
Soon.
Chapter eighteen
Will
I’ve been spoiled lately between an amazing night with Bailey on Sunday, followed by a sleepover with Jess on Monday. I’ve spoken to Cas every night since then and I’m dying for the moment he decides to take a leap of faith with me. Since I’ve got work early in the morning, I attempt to go to sleep early, but it’s not happening when I keep thinking of Cas.
Nothing good is ever on TV this late. I grab my phone instead, and the local forum for our small town has shared another article about another missing person, Jason Wilton. Not a local, but more than likely a second-homer who liked coming up for leaf peeping. I’ve seen him at the farmer’s market before. Total closet case and obviously looking for a May-December romance. Comes with his wife, who either doesn’t know or doesn’t care that he stares at just about every young guy he crosses paths with while shopping. Probably skipped town with the first man he found who wanted a silver-haired Daddy. The guy wasn’t terrible looking, so I doubt he had much of an issue.
I’m still staring at the photograph attached to the article when my phone vibrates in my hand. I’ve got an in-app message and I’m pleasantly surprised that Cas is awake still, too.
Orchid Mantis:Remember how I said soon?
Orchid Mantis:Soon is right now.
Purple Puppy:Please believe that in no way do I want to refuse, but is there any way I can get you to wait a little over twelve hours?
Orchid Mantis:You don’t have anything going on after work?
Purple Puppy:I do.
Purple Puppy:A date.
Orchid Mantis:With who?
Purple Puppy:Not going to tell you that.
And I add a smiley so he can see I’m only teasing.
Purple Puppy:He’s a nice guy. He won’t mind if I reschedule.
Orchid Mantis:Cancel.
Well, that wakes my cock right the fuck up. I press my palm into the swelling bulge at the front of my boxers and watch the texting dots reappear.
Orchid Mantis:Will you do that? Tell him you’re never going out with him again because there’s someone else.
Purple Puppy:Yes. Of course, I would.
