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The tightness in his jaw, and the slight catch in his breath when my fingers curled inward, brushing the rough skin on his knuckles when he lingered for just a second past what was necessary.
The first couple of passes with the wrap had me filling my lungs and holding my breath, eyes closing at the dull, throbbing pain radiating up my arm.
“Sorry,” he murmured.
“It’s okay.” The more he tightened the fabric, the less it hurt. But still, he gentled the way he pulled. Those long, graceful fingers angled my hand as he worked, just whispers of pressure like I was made of glass.
“Wh-why were you out there?” I asked, cursing the slight hiccup in my voice at the tenderness he was showing.
Jax didn’t answer right away and simply made a few more rotations with the tape. “Needed to borrow something from Ian for a project.” His eyes locked on mine for a moment. “Should’ve told you I was coming. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Oh, I wasn’t scared,” I said airily. “I had the Taser, after all.”
The firm line of his mouth gentled, but it wasn’t quite a smile.
Jax tugged my hand up toward his mouth again, using the edge of his teeth to snap the end of the tape. My belly swirled dangerously as he licked his lips. Thank God he wasn’t watching me, because I slammed my eyes shut, needing to snap that visual.
If my sanity needed Jax in a locked box, then that box wasblown the hell open. My ribs rattled on each deep pulled breath, and I conjured every ounce of restraint in my possession.
I could do this without a safety net, agenda, or clear, precise plan.
I could do it because it was necessary—not just for me but also for the baby and for Jax too.
“I need to say something,” I started, “and I just need you to listen because I don’t want to make things weird.”
Because he was looking down, replacing the roll of tape in the kit, his cheeks lifted on a smile that I couldn’t see, his hands still moving the wrap around my wrist. “Go ahead.”
“I know I threw a lot at you yesterday, and I think I have a tendency to hyperfocus on the things I can control when everything else feels … too big, I guess.”
“Did stuff feel too big for you yesterday?”
“A little,” I admitted. I kept my eyes on his face and willed him to look up at me. I needed him to understand this, and said a little prayer that I’d be able to explain this in the right way. “I broke up with Dean after the family dinner the other night.”
Jax froze, his hands on the first-aid kit and every inch of his big, muscular body bowstring tight. “Why?”
I wasn’t sure what made me tell him. I hadn’t even really made the decision beforehand. There was no requirement to clear my personal relationships past Jax.
The rough edge to his voice had my hands trembling slightly where they now sat in my lap. “It wasn’t because of you,” I assured him quickly. “And I know the timing of it seems like it was, but…” I floundered when he continued to sit eerily still in front of me, “I broke up with him for the same reason I said no to you when you proposed.”
Finally, finally, Jax lifted his head, the dark intensity of his eyes making me sit back in my chair. “What’s that?”
“He was a very, very well-timed distraction. It was wrongof me not to face that earlier, and I hate that it took me four months to do it. Dean is still a good person, and he will make someone very happy, but he’s not what I need right now either.”
The line of Jax’s throat worked on a swallow. “What do you need?”
Three days to sleep.
Seven pounds of Sour Patch Kids.
And the kind of sex I hadn’t had since the man sitting one foot away from me shared his bed.
My exhale was shaky as I pushed those immediate, illogical wants behind a wall of more rational thoughts.
This wasn’t about what I wanted. It was about what I needed.
Through the thick, crackling tension clouding the room, I somehow managed to breathe. “I need the same thing as before. For us to be friends. Might even need it more now than I did when I said it.”
Why did the look in his eyes make me want to burst into tears?
