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I had good memories. I had examples that I could pull from, and it was important to remember that.
Prying my eyes open, I turned and faced Poppy.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I don’t know how… how to do anything for a kid, Poppy. Never thought about wanting one. Never imagined having one.”
“That’s okay,” she said earnestly. “We have time, Jax. None of this needs to be decided now.” Her smile was wry. “I know my lists don’t always help?—”
“Your lists are fine.” I interrupted, stepping forward and keeping my eyes locked on hers. “I thought about them while I was gone, actually.”
Her eyes lit up. “You did?”
“How they help you make sense of your thoughts.”
Of feelings that didn’t make sense. Helped carve a path through something big and scary that seemed far too daunting to face.
“You should see the notebook on my desk,” she admitted, a sheepish grin lifting her cheeks. “It’s slightly neurotic.”
“What’s in it? Tell me one of your lists.”
The fact that I asked had her staring up at me with a shocked sort of awe. “I … you really want to know?”
“I do,” I admitted in a low voice. I wanted to know everything.
Poppy licked at her bottom lip, looking down at the ground for a moment as she seemed to come to a decision. “Well, I made a list about you once,” she said quietly. “And it ended with me on your front porch in the rain.”
God, I wanted to kiss her.
I wanted to slide my hands into her hair and slant my lips over hers, absorb the sounds she’d make, soak in the taste of her lips and the feel of her tongue. It would be good.
It would be amazing.
And it would destroy her, if I pulled her into some dark, selfish space with me.
“Hopefully that’s a list you don’t regret,” I said.
Her smile did something to my insides. Something permanent and unmoving.
“I already told you I could never regret you,” Poppy answered.
“And you still mean it?”
She gave me a small nod.
Maybe there was a past life I’d lived before this one. Perhaps I’d done something really fucking incredible to deserve this woman’s trust, to deserve her unwavering admiration because it sure as hell wasn’t anything I’d done in this life.
To deserve her.
Not that I did yet. Not that I even had the chance.
I looked down at the folder and sighed. “Can I keep this? Think it over?”
“Of course.” Poppy took a step forward. “I know it’s a lot to decide, and our decisions might change as time passes, but…” She smiled, her hand pressing to the side of her belly and her eyes lighting up.“Oh, they’re doing backflips in there.”
Don’t touch.
Don’t touch.
Touch.
