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“Knock it off, Poppy,” I hissed under my breath. Weren’t those the kinds of thoughts that got me in trouble in the first place?
Honestly, though, what could they hurt? It’s not like I could getmorepregnant.
Jax eased his bike to a stop in the gravel driveway in front of the house, and from behind those mirrored lenses, I could feel the weight of his gaze. Patience was required in spades for this interaction, deep wells that I’d never accessed before. He had a point earlier at the jobsite. I’d had months to get used to the idea of this, but on that first day I found out? I was a hot-mess express.
When your life takes a sudden U-turn, it takes some adjusting. I’d had my family to lean on, but they’d had time to adjust as well. The only person who didn’t was the man whose super swimmers got us into this mess.
Okay, fine, me crawling into his bed kinda got us here too, but I digress.
Extending grace to him wasn’t just the kind thing to do. It was the only real option I had in order for us to move forward. We had time to make plans, and months to figure out the best course of action.
Maybe we could start just by being … friends. The thought helped, because I knew that despite Jax’s epic reserve, he was a good friend to Cameron.
Yes. I could totally, one hundred percent do this. Friends with Jax Cartwright.
Hell, he’d probably be relieved when I told him about Dean.
The sound of the engine cut off, and the sudden silence had me pulling in a deep breath. Instead of joining me in the empty chair on the other side of the table, Jax walked up the steps to the porch and leaned his big frame against the railing,tugging off his sunglasses with the tips of his fingers, then letting them dangle by his side while he studied me.
Unlike earlier, there was much more weight and attention to this look. Instead of the overwhelmed, lost glint to this eye, now Jax seemed focused and determined, and I couldn’t deny it had my heart racing just a little bit.
I waited for him to say something, anything, and he just … didn’t.
He just stared, at my face, at my bump, and all the while, those sunglasses tapped against the side of this thigh.
“What?” I finally asked when I couldn’t bear the thick silence anymore. “I know you didn’t come here just to stare at me.”
His lips were almost always in a firm line. The man was allergic to smiling. But if those lips softened even a tiny bit, if the edges of them hooked up into a hint of a smile, it never failed to make my stomach flip weightlessly, just like it did now.
“You were right earlier. I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t want a family.” He swallowed, finally dropping his gaze to the floor. “It’s not something I’ve ever imagined for myself.”
Why, I wanted to ask, but I tucked the questions away and just let him have his time to say what he needed to say. We had so much time for other questions, and this wasn’t it. In the space of the silence that followed, the discomfort of this entire exchange was almost impossible to sit with.
It wasn’t like this when I showed up at his house. There was an ease to that entire night, something we’d never really had to chance to explore, and as I waited not very patiently for him to find his big boy words, I desperately wanted that ease to return.
I didn’t know how to interact with Jax like this.
And he was probably feeling the same.
This was the man who’d avoided being alone with me for years. The man who kept his distance and worked very hardnot to string me along. This was sober Jax, as well. That was one huge difference. But it was more than that. It was more than the absence of alcohol.
Maybe he didn’t know how to deal with me either. Didn’t know how to talk to me with this giant life change hanging over our heads like a guillotine.
Yet I kept watching the slight fidgeting, the darting eye contact with a growing sense of curiosity.
I was used to him being quiet. Used to him being a little grumpy. This was neither of those things.
Thetap, tap, tapof those sunglasses was the thing that kept clueing me in. The way the thick line of his throat moved in a hard swallow. Then his eyes locked on mine.
Jax wasnervous. I’d never seen Jax nervous in my entire life.
The realization hit like a lightning bolt, nothing short of awe cracking my chest wide open. As it did, he locked his eyes onto mine, and the determination I saw there sucked the air straight from my lungs.
I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but all the words got trapped somewhere in my throat.
His chest expanded on a deep breath, and he blew it out in a sharp puff.
“I think we should get married.”
