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I was the baby by a lot.
One thing I’d learned throughout the years was that very few people confided in the baby of the family. They continually operated under the delusion that I was a child and couldn’t handle their shit, even though I’d been through loss, same as them.
Parker had a hard time watching our dad in his last round with cancer when he’d chosen not to do any treatments that would ravage his body. Parker made his peace with Dad by the end, but it still felt like we were tiptoeing through raw grief, all of us dealing with it in our different ways, even months later.
I couldn’t say my grief was any healthier than Parker’s, given my impulsive night with Jax still had me all shredded up inside. Turned out, ignoring that one night wasn’t as easy as I thought.
“Is it the game?” I asked quietly.
Now his jaw didn’t just go hard. His whole face went stony. No one had talked to him about it yet, probably because his face did the same intimidating thing it was doing right now, even though the replays made the rounds for weeks after the Voyager’s last playoff game.
But as I held his gaze, that stoniness faded with a slump of his big shoulders, and Parker leaned forward, rubbing his forehead as he sighed. “You mean the playoff game I dropped the fucking pass in the end zone as time expired? And because of that dropped touchdown we lost the chance to go to the Super Bowl?”
I winced. “Yeah, that one.”
He didn’t answer right away as his eyes locked onto thetable for a few minutes. “You ever feel like … you don’t know what the hell you’re doing in life? Like it’s just moving forward all the time, and you’re scrambling to stay caught up with everyone around you.”
My eyes pricked with tears. “Sometimes, yeah. I didn’t know you felt like that, though. You’ve been off living your dream for years, Parker. And we’re so proud of you.”
Parker gave me a sad smile. “Ignore me, I know I have nothing to complain about. Just a rough ending to the season. I’ll get over it.”
“You can have good things in your life and still feel sad or overwhelmed. It doesn’t lessen what you’re going through.” I set my chin in my hand and studied him. “We have a great family, right? I have a beautiful place and a job I enjoy. But I feel … stuck, too, sometimes. You and I are the only ones who haven’t found that one person, you know?”
Parker snorted. “Could’ve fooled me. You’ve got the vet wrapped around your fucking finger, and don’t tell me you don’t. What did Mom say? He’ssmitten.”
My cheeks felt warm. “I know he is. I like him,” I said simply. “I think maybe I was a challenge to him at first, but … he’s nice. And funny. And there’s a lot of potential there, but I can’t say he’s my soulmate.”
At that term, Parker rolled his eyes. “Soulmates aren’t a real thing.”
“Yes, they are,” I argued. “Look at Mom and Dad. And you know what I mean about our siblings. They’re all building lives, and I’m still sleeping in my childhood bedroom.” I let out a short, dry laugh. “Sleeping a lot these days, actually. So now I can add stuck and lazy to my résumé.”
Parker’s eyes finally glinted with humor. “You’ve never been lazy a day in your life, Poppy. It was annoying because anytime I slacked in school, I had your punk ass showing me up.”
“Someone has to keep you on your toes.”
At that, his mouth edged up in a grim smile. “Indeed. I could use a little less of that, to be honest.”
I sighed, folding an arm on the table and laying my forehead down. “Ugh, I slept twelve hours last night, I took a nap this morning, and I feel like I could go back to bed. What is wrong with me?”
“You’re not pregnant, are you?”
He said it jokingly. Lightly, with an edge of teasing. And right along with the light teasing edge, I felt the world drop out underneath me.
My head snapped up. “What?”
He took a huge bite of his sandwich, eyeing my face. “When Mom got pregnant with you, I remember her laying her head exactly like that on the table during dinner once. First sign she was pregnant, actually.”
My heart had stopped beating. Completely. When it restarted, I lifted a shaky hand to my forehead while I started counting the days in my head. I was late, but honestly, I’d been so tired I just didn’t think about it.
Parker’s eyes widened, his jaw falling open at whatever he saw on my face. “Holyshit, could you be pregnant, Pops?”
My gaze locked on his, eyes blurring with immediate tears. “M-maybe,” I whispered.
“I heard you and Greer talking yesterday, so I know you haven’t slept with Dean yet,” he said.
No, there waszerochance it was Dean’s. In truth, our dates had been a little high school-style pent-up sexual frustration. Lots of making out in cars, and some under-the-clothes action that had felt nice, but nope, nope, nope, there was zero impregnating happening from that beautiful man.
“The finance guy? The date you went on?” he asked.
