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My hands tightened, and I inhaled slowly. “As long as I can remember, I’ve been afraid of turning into him. That somehow being related to him, that watching the way he treated her—it was in my blood. Something I couldn’t escape.”
“That’s a very common reaction for kids who experienced what you did growing up.”
“It’s stupid, though, right? I’m a grown fucking man, and I’m still afraid of the same thing that I was when I was a child.”
Carol’s eyes were soft and understanding. “Liam, that’s part of the human experience. Almost everyone I’ve ever met navigates relationships based on fears and wants and desires that have roots in their upbringing. Some people realize it. Some don’t. You’re not stupid for your worries, but you have to challenge those thoughts when they spring up.”
“How?”
She smiled at my terse reply. “When’s the last time you lost your temper on a friend or family member?”
I swallowed again. “I don’t. Only when one of my teammates fucks up. Assholes always deserve it, though.”
“Ever hit anyone?”
“No.” Then I paused. “Thought about it a couple times during a game, but I’m not stupid.”
She was unflinching in how she stared me down. “Ever verbally abused a partner?”
My head reared back. “No.”
Then she nodded like she’d proved some great big fucking point. “That’s how you challenge your fears, Liam. With a lifetime of actions. You remind yourself thateverytime you had the chance to be like him, you chose a different path.”
Hope crept stealthily up my throat, past the immediate denials that this was too simple.
“You don’t believe me,” she said.
I held her gaze. “Zoe said something similar. And you both make it sound so bloody easy, and it’s not.”
“I didn’t say it was easy,” she said. “But it’s fairly straightforward, and there’s a difference. When we tell ourselves a story long enough, we begin to believe it, no matter what anyone else says. And you’ve believed yours thoroughly because you grew up in the shadow of the person you hated most.” Then she leaned forward, her eyes burning with sincerity. “You’re here, Liam. You stepped up to help Zoe and Mira, and you could have walked away. That’s challenging your fears, even if you weren’t aware that you were doing it. You may have to do it every single day, but the fact that you’re worried about it shows more awareness than most people ever have.”
“Don’t give me a fucking medal,” I muttered.
“I won’t. But I’m going to give credit where credit is due. You should as well.”
I raised my hands, scrubbing them over my face. “Fuck. Do I have to come and vomit my feelings all the time now?”
She laughed softly. “Only if you feel like it helps. What brought you in here today specifically?”
I dropped my hands and sat back against the couch. “I’m taking Zoe on a date tonight,” I told her, waiting for a judgmental look and a sharp reprimand.
Her eyes merely sharpened with interest. “Are you? Is that a new development?”
“Been in love with her for a bloody decade, so no, it’s not new for me.”
This time, her smile was fleeting but pleased. “And you’re excited about this?”
“Yeah.” I shifted on the couch. “And that’s scary too.”
“And what worries you about tonight, specifically?”
“You want a fucking list?” I drawled.
Her lips twitched, but she didn’t smile again. “Let’s just start with the first thing you can think of.”
I pushed my hands down the tops of my thighs and sighed. “It feels intense already. Big.” I tapped a hand to my chest. “Right here, anchored under my ribs, just too bloody big to be real.”
“Intense in a good way?”
