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The flush I felt was quicklyreplaced by an angry heat when Melonie clapped her hands togetherin excitement before saying how happy she was that he would betagging along. “I need a man’s opinion on some of the outfits I’mgoing to try on,” she’d said. I’d nearly gagged at the innuendolaced within her words. It was only the fact that Ian had ignoredher that kept me from jumping over the table and ripping out herextensions.
His ignoring her obvious attemptto gain his attention only further drew me back to what he’d saidto me this morning.“There is no walking away for me.”Hiswords should have been a claim of ownership. I should’ve beenoffended that he would have the audacity to even make such a claimon me.
But I felt no such way when he’dspoken the words. If anything, I’d felt butterflies in my stomach.It was odd, but when he spoke to me like that I hadn’t felt asthough he was trying to control me, I felt turned on at theprospect of belonging to someone for the first time in my life.Even though his proclamation had stirred up some questions I wasnow forced to ask myself.
What did I want after this weekwas over? What was my plan when we got back to Florida? Did Ireally think I could have this amazing experience with him and thenjust go back to normal like it never happened? It had to beterrible that I had no clue what I wanted from him after I let himtake my innocence, and I needed to figure that out.
I was a virgin, for fuck’s sake.Didn’t normal girls want to start a life and marry the first guythey ever slept with? I was so past the point of knowing what anormal person expected from the first person they were intimatewith.
I glanced over to Anna, who wasstill perusing the racks and throwing more items on herever-growing pile of clothing.She would be able to tell me whatwas normal, wouldn’t she?I shook my head as the thought poppedinto my brain. I couldn’t ask her the burning question bouncingaround in my head. Especially when the question was directlyrelated to her father. I frowned to myself.It’s not like shewould know that you’re talking about her dad,I reasoned.
I fingered through the clothingnext to her mindlessly as I gathered the courage to finally speak.“So…” I cleared my throat as I glanced at my bestie. She was stillfully immersed in her task of finding a new outfit, she neverlooked up at me as she grunted my way. “Can I ask you something?” Iblurted before I lost the guts.
She grinned up at me brieflybefore returning her gaze to a sparkly top she held in her hands.“What’s up?”
I swallowed thickly as I pretendedto be deeply interested in the pair of jeans in my hands. “Who wasyour first…” I trailed off as I tried not to cringe. When I glancedup at Anna she was eyeing me curiously. “You know, your first…” Isaid as I gestured to my body. I wanted the floor to gobble me upas Anna started to giggle at my childish display.
“You mean who was the first guy Ihad sex with?” she said and I wanted to hide my face between theclothing. She noted my reaction and chuckled again before lookingdeep in thought. “Seth Harvey,” she said as a look of nostalgiacrossed her beautiful features. “We were both sixteen and neitherof us had a fucking clue what we were doing in the back of my pieceof shit Toyota Camry. Foreplay was not a word in that boy’svocabulary.” She cringed at the memory before returning her gazetoward the rack.
I nodded as I pretended to lookthrough the sweater collection. I forged on before I lost thenerve. “Did you think you would end up together … forever?”
“Fuck, no!” Anna snorted beforeshe threw another blouse into her pile and faced me. “We were justtwo stupid-ass kids playing at being adults. I was desperate toprove I was just as cool as all the other girls in my class and hewas an idiot that couldn’t find a clit if I put a neon sign aboveit pointing directly at it.” I flushed before snorting at her joke.Anna always did have a way with words.
“I don’t think that happens asoften as you think it does,” she allowed. “I think if it’s meant tobe then that’s great, but I also think you should feel free to letyour freak flag fly too, if not.” She stared at me as curiositycreased her brow. I nodded and turned back to the clothing rack asif the conversation was over. Anna was way too smart for my owngood as she forged on. “I think it’s rare to find the person you’resupposed to be with the first time you have sex. But, just becauseit didn’t happen for me doesn’t mean it isn’t possible or evensomething you shouldn’t hope for.” She stepped closer to me. Itried to avoid eye contact with her but I could feel herinquisitive gaze against my temple. “What’s this about anyway?”
A breath shuddered out of me as Istammered and faced her. “Wh-what do you mean?”
“You have never asked me aboutanything sex-related. Normally you grit your teeth and bear myslutty-time stories. Are you seeing someone I don’t know about?”she asked.
Shear panic laced my blood at herquestion. “I was just curious, that’s all,” I breathed quickly.Trying to feign nonchalance, I shrugged. “You never know when theopportunity might present itself.” I shrugged.
I watched Anna’s eyes flicker tome and then further behind me as if putting together a puzzle. Whenher eyes widened and she opened her mouth with a gasp I foughtagainst my rising panic. “Oh. My. God. You’re not planning onfucking Ben, are you?” she screeched loudly.
I shushed her and slapped my handover her mouth as quickly as I could. Like if I silenced herquickly enough it would recall the words spoken.
I looked between her and the restof the store shoppers nervously. I flushed bright red when Ispotted Ben and Melonie staring at us like they were trying tolisten in but couldn’t quite hear us.
“No!” I whispered harshly. Annavisibly relaxed while my hand was still over her mouth. Rather thanmove away from me, she licked my palm.
“Yuck.” I grossed as I pulled myhand away and wiped it down the back of my jeans. Anna shruggedlike she couldn’t be bothered one way or another.
“Well, thank God for that,” shemuttered as she continued to browse through the racks. “So, is itthis Adrian guy then?” she asked without looking at me.
“I’m never going to live thatdown, am I?” I smiled.
“Not in a million years.” Shegiggled.
At that moment I was overcome withsuch love for this girl. She was always there for me no matter whatI was going through. Anytime I had a problem, she always pushedeverything to the side to make room for our friendship. Even whenall the shit with my mom and dad was going down, she’d sat by myside and let me cry on her shoulder. And how was I repaying her? Bysneaking around with her dad and not having the balls to sayanything to her. I was the worst type of friend.
“Anna, I need to tell yousomething,” I blurted as I grabbed her by the shoulders and spunher to face me.
A bewildered expression cloudedher face as she looked at me. “Okay,” she murmured.
I licked my lips to bring moistureback to my dry mouth. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest asI stared at my best friend.What if she ends up hating me? Whatif she never wants to speak to me again? Could I really survivewithout her in my life? All because I had feelings for herdad.
“I—” I swallowed as I stared intoher expressive eyes before shaking my head. “I just wanted to tellyou…” I sighed before I hugged her to me.I can’t do this.Isqueezed her tight and buried my face in her shoulder. “I love youand I couldn’t ask for a better best friend,” I whispered andclenched my eyes closed.I’m such a fucking coward.
Anna giggled against me beforewrapping her arms around me and hugging me tightly. The back of myeyes were burning as she spoke. “I love you too, Lyns,” she saidand then pulled away from me. She looked at me with a soft smile onher lips. “You know, all you have to do is tell me that you don’twant to shop for clothes. I know you hate this.”
