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Would she have come if she had known? I want to say no because of her hatred of me. But another part of me says yes. She loved that horse so much she would have put aside her feelings to be with Marabelle.
“Do you still ride?” she asks, after a few minutes.
“Not as much as I’d like. I take T out sometimes. You’re more than welcome to come by and meet Pepper. She’s a beauty. I think you’d like her.”
She graces me with a smile and says, “Sure, I’d like that.”
I love that I can put a smile on her face. It’s been ten years since I’ve been able to claim that. They are coming more and more, and it gives me hope that we’ll be okay.
“Do you like to ride, Trent?” she asks T.
He looks up from his lap where his ever-present game is. “It’s great. My favorite is Drakar.”
“Drakar? He must be new,” she says, looking at me.
“He is. We don’t have as many as we used to. When Mom and Dad retired to Florida, we decided to sell off most of them because I didn’t have the time to spend with them like they needed. We sold all but two, and then I found Drakar. He had been badly neglected. The woman who had him had just lost her husband and couldn’t care for him anymore. I took him off her hands.”
Her blue eyes soften and she replies with, “That was very nice of you. I can’t wait to meet him.”
“Maybe you can swing by this weekend. We’ll take Pepper and Drakar out. They’re about due for a ride anyway.”
“I’ll let you know,” she’s says noncommittally, but I can tell she likes the idea.
Just then, Nitra walks up with our food. T does his attempt at flirting again, before she walks off with a chuckle. We make small talk throughout our meal. When we’re done, I pay the bill, and we all file out and pile back in the car. The trip back to Jaxon’s is short, and we ride in silence.
“Thanks for taking care of the tire for me and for breakfast,” Mia says.
“It was T who did most of the work,” I tell her, glancing in T’s direction.
Mia walks over to him. He’s shifting from one foot to the other, like he’s uncomfortable with being called out on working on her car.
Mia holds out her hand and says, “Thank you, Trent.”
He looks from her hand to her face before slowly putting his hand in hers and giving it a shake.
“You’re welcome,” he mumbles.
“Let me know when you want to get together and play Minecraft,” she says, and releases his hand.
He nods and replies, “Okay, will do.”
T gets in the truck while I walk Mia to her car. She turns to me when we reach her door.
“Thanks again.”
I reach down, grab her hand, and bring her wrist up to my lips, where I place a kiss against it. She sucks in a breath at the action. It was something I did often when we were younger.
“Mac…,” she begins, but I place a finger over her lips.
“I know, Pix. I’m not going to push, okay? But I’m not going to just go away either. It may never go anywhere, and I understand that, but I’m going to at least try. I have to at least try.”
“I can’t, Mac. I can’t get the picture of you and her out of my head. I want to give us another try, but that’s just something I don’t think I’ll ever get over. I barely survived last time. I can’t go through something like that again, and I’m terrified it would go wrong somehow. I don’t blame you anymore for what happened, but regardless of the circumstances and the whys, it still happened. I still see it so clearly, even after ten years.” She says all this quietly.
The pain in her eyes nearly brings me to my knees. I put that hurt there. It was my lack of control that brought on this horrible, deeply ingrained pain that I see on her face. We were both hurt by it, but at least I have the haze of the drugs to fog my memory. Although Mia was drinking at the time, I know she wasn’t drunk. The visions she sees are clear as day. I don’t know how to help her. I don’t think there is anything I can do to help her get over this pain, which leaves me feeling more helpless than I’ve ever felt in my life.
“I’m not giving up, Pix. I won’t push, but I won’t back away.” I grab her hand and place it over my heart that’s thumping in my chest. “This hasn’t beat properly since that night. My heart hasn’t been whole since that night. There’s been a hole there that can’t be filled without you. Just give us a chance.”
I watch as her eyes glass over with moisture. They slide away from mine. I let her have her reprieve for a moment. She takes a deep breath and looks at me again.
