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When I saw themoment his mood was about to turn, I grabbed his hands and placedthem on my breasts. He made a tortured sound as he closed hiseyes.
“I don’t want tohurt you,” he admitted.
I refused to accepthis excuse as I leaned down to take his mouth once more beforebringing my hands down his body to release him from his sweats.
He groaned as hefell heavily into my hand. I gripped him firmly.
“I need you,” Ibegged against his lips before pulling back enough to look him inthe eyes. “I love you,” I admitted.
He sucked in a harshbreath as my words flowed over him. His hands flexed and releasedagainst me as I rose. When I placed him at my entrance and slowlysank onto him, I watched as his face contorted almostpainfully.
“I love you,” Irepeated as I slid all the way down before raising again.
He closed his eyesagain at my words and his chest heaved as he breathed deeply. Igrabbed his hands as I rode him and pulled them above his head as Ilaid down on him. He twitched inside of me as I rocked back andforth. I rubbed my lips against him as I repeated myself.
“I love you,” Icried softly.
His eyes sprung openas he flipped us so I was below him. He slammed his lips to mineand gripped the back of my neck as he continued at a slow pace. Heswallowed down my moans of pleasure as he pulled out almost all theway before plunging back in. When his lips left mine he lookedpained.
“I failed youtonight and I don’t deserve to hear those words,” he whispered.Before I could tell him otherwise he continued as he thrust into meslowly. “Pero te amo, Roja. I love you so much I don’t thinkI could ever let you go. Even if it was the best thing for you.Even if you hate me for not protecting you,” he admitted with suchemotion my chest hurt.
I felt tears leakfrom my eyes as I looked up at the man I had grown to love. He hadopened my eyes so much. Showing me not only how to let other peoplein, but also how to love myself like I deserved.
“I don’t hate you,baby.” I wept as he placed his forehead against mine with ashudder. “I think I’ve loved you for a long time now and I was justtoo stubborn to admit it. If you want, you can protect me now andfor the rest of our lives,” I said. His eyes glistened withunhashed tears before he closed them.
“Siempre,Roja,” he promised.
He’d kissed me then.A deep kiss that said all the words that were too hard toarticulate at that moment. He made love to me and put every bit ofhis emotion into the act.
We’d found our blissthat morning in each other’s arms repeatedly. Only when we had beencompletely exhausted from our actions did we find rest andsolitude. Never escaping the other’s embrace.
We both took a fewweeks just to be with each other and to heal. Damon coddled me theentire time. During the day, I was the same playful Jill I’dnormally been when around him. But during the night, my soul showedme the darkness that lurked beneath.
I’d like to say thatmy nightmares disappeared after Jason was finally rid from my life.But that would be a lie. I had nightmares for the first few nightsbut Damon was always there when I awoke screaming. He had become aconstant comforting fixture in my life.
Nobody likes to talkabout what it feels like after you take another person’s life. Evenif that was my only way out of the situation, I still felt likescum afterward. It had taken days to stop the nightmares thatreplayed the moment that knife pierced his heart. I watched overand over again as the light left his eyes.
But after talkingwith both Damon, my girls, and Dr. Yorker until I was blue in theface, my nightmares had slowed and dwindled until they had becomenonexistent.
Although I stillmissed Fiona every day, I had found a new companion in Boone. Hewas a little sore for the first few days after Jason, but he turnedout to be no worse for wear. And I’d stayed true to my word andbought him the biggest steak I could find.
Damon hadn’tgrumbled in the slightest when the dog chose me over him time andtime again. I think he’d found comfort in the fact that I wouldalways have a protector in the canine.
My house had beencleaned and released to me a few weeks after the attack. Kate, Em,and Lyns offered to clean it out for me and I had taken them up ontheir offer. I never wanted to step foot in that place ever again.I had put the house up for sale after that and was happy when itsold quickly. Damon had made room for me in his home and we nowlived together permanently. A fact we had celebrated almostnightly.
I had almost beensick when the police had shown me pictures of evidence they hadfound. They hypothesized that Jason had broken into my house thenight I found the shattered window. He had immediately taken refugein my attic where he had been living for the weeks thatfollowed.
The policedepartment had contracted a profiler to pin down why exactly Jasonhad gone through the hassle to get to me. She explained that he hadmore than likely fantasized about a fake relationship with me whilehe had been in prison, and after he was released. Sixteen years isa long time to obsess over the same person. He had spent the weeksafter the break-in messing with me to gain my attention. He wouldmove things around after I left for the day, turn on lights after Iturned them off, little things that almost went unnoticed.
When I hadn’tvocalized my annoyance, he’d escalated his efforts. Like lettingthe air out of my tires to keep me home. Also using my bed while Iwas gone. I still got the heebie-jeebies just thinking about himsleeping where I slept.
His last attempt togain my attention ended violently. The profiler explained that shethought since I had started showing interest in Damon, Jason feltthe need to escalate his plans quicker, which was ultimately hisdownfall. If he had waited it out and planned a little longerinstead of rushing, he may have gotten away with kidnapping me.
In the end, she toldme I was extremely lucky to have gotten out as easily as I did. Shesaid that she’s seen other cases like this not end so well for thevictim.
I had been leftreeling after I was given all the information, but Damon had helpedme back down from the ledge with his unique brand of dominance.
Over time, I’d foundmy own form of freedom under his careful ministrations. Whoeversaid you couldn’t feel powerful or in control while submitting tothe person you loved most, was a damned liar. I never felt freerthan I did when I was under Damon’s ropes and command.
