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He held the knifebetween his hands as he watched me and then Damon. He played withthe tip against his finger as he glared at him. Fear for not onlymyself but now my lover coursed through my veins heavily. Would Ibe forced to watch him gut the man I loved, as I lay there unableto move? Was this my fate? To always be an unwilling bystander inmy own trauma?
I watched as hewinced when the sharp point punctured the skin on his fingertip. Hestared at the droplet of blood as it fell to the floor. Anotherthick drop gathered before he rubbed it between his index fingerand thumb.
He glared at me withlustful eyes as he leaned forward. His face was so close to me now.I squeezed my eyes closed again as his mouth dipped to my wetcheek. I whined loudly as his tongue darted out from between hislips and licked the tear that lay there.
I could move my armsbelow my elbow now and jerked them wildly. Trying like hell to getDamon to wake up. But all he did was shift beside me and I groaneddeep in my throat.
Jason moved furtherdown to my ear. His breath was hot against me as he spoke for thefirst time.
“Hey, beautiful.”The same silky voice from all those years ago raked over mysensitive skin. The smell of vanilla mixed with his heady musksurrounded me. I clenched my eyes together and I screamed.
****
I jerked uprightwith a loud wail on my lips. My chest heaved harshly as I tried tocatch my breath. Cold sweat dampened my skin. I clutched theblankets to my chest as I trembled in the recesses of my dream. Iswore I could still smell the scent of vanilla clogging my nose. Myeyes trailed to my side of the room and I vaguely thought aboutlooking under the bed.
I jerked violentlywhen I felt a hand touch my arm. Whipping my head in the directionthe touch came from, I came face to face with a very worried, verydrowsy-looking Damon.
He held his hands upas if to show me he wasn’t going to hurt me. “Hey, it’s just me.Are you okay?” he soothed sleepily.
I pushed my hair outof my face and regarded him as I tried to calm my speeding heart.Unlike before, I told myself not to run from him. We had been doingthis same routine for over a week now. I would wake from anightmare and then fight the urge to shut him out. It was gettingslightly easier each time to lean on him. I let the blanket fall tomy waist and lunged for him.
He caught me anddragged me to him, squeezing me tight. I nuzzled into his neck andbreathed in his scent. Hoping desperately he would remove the smellthat still haunted me.
“It felt so real,” Imumbled as I shivered.
“Shhh, I know, Red,”he soothed as he rocked gently and rubbed my back.
We sat like that forlong minutes as my adrenaline slowly lowered. I listened to Damon’seven breathing and eventually mine matched his. My shaking ceasedand my skin warmed under his ministrations.
“Do you want to talkabout it?” he whispered against the top of my head.
Tremors wracked mybody as the words Jason spoke came roaring back through the fog.“Hey, beautiful.”
“This one wasdifferent from the rest,” I admitted. “I swear, it felt like he wasright here. I felt his breath against me. I heard the words hespoke as if he was sitting right next to me. I can still smell him.Still feel his cold fingers against me.” I shivered. “I couldn’tmove. All I could do was try to wake you without being able totouch you or speak.” My voice cracked as I nuzzled further intoDamon’s neck.
He held me tight.“It sounds like you were having a night terror,” he explained. “Ihave known a few guys on the Force to have them. They say it’s asif you’re paralyzed and have no choice but to watch as your worstnightmare manifests itself in front of you. They say it’s likewatching your own body in real time, but the illusion is justthat—an illusion.” He yawned as hefinished. I could feel his arm becoming heavy on my back as if hewere about to fall asleep despite his need to comfort me.
I quivered as hespoke. God, I hoped this would only be a one-time thing. I don’tthink I could handle constant night terrors alongside my normaldreams. I would never sleep again.
It had been likethis almost every night since the night I’d rushed to the frathouse with Damon. I wasn’t sure if it was that night that broughtback such fierce memories of college, but ever since, my dreams hadonly gotten worse. I would wake up in a panic still able to smellvanilla as if Jason had been right next to me. Almost every nightJason found me in my nightmares, but none of them had been likethis one. This one felt way too real.
I briefly wonderedif the glass of wine I had before bed was the reason for theterror. I quickly dismissed that as the culprit when I rememberedDamon usually indulged in a glass as well. That, and the fact thatI drank the same wine almost every night. I never had more than oneor two glasses, though. Just enough to hopefully calm my nerves forsleep.
Oh, how badly Iwanted him to take me away from all of this. I used to love thishouse, but now it felt cold compared to his home. I’m not sure whenit happened, but at some point this house that I worked so hard forstopped feeling like home. Maybe it was the fact that these wallshid so many of my late-night screams. This room was where mynightmares always found me time after time.
I also felt as if Iwere going insane here. Things went missing more and morefrequently as the days went on. I would discover my clothes, whichI always kept meticulously organized, in places I would never thinkto put them. I would leave a room and turn the light off, only tofind it on when I returned later. Every time these things happened,I was always alone in the house. Even when Damon had brought Booneover to stay the night a couple of times, the dog had acted jumpyand anxious about something neither of us could see. It was likethis place was haunted.
I knew if I asked,Damon would take me away from here. But how could I ask him when Iknew that was the very thing he desired most? I couldn’t promisehim forever right now, so it wasn’t fair to ask for such things andnot be sure of what I wanted.
We had fallen into aroutine this last week. Damon had stayed with me every night andwoke with me every time I’d had a nightmare. He had soothed me withhis soft words and calming touch, always allowing me to take mytime to talk about the nightmare. Although I hated the fact that Iwas still having nightmares, it was nice to have someone help mework through them. Most of the time I was even able to go back tosleep for a little while.
I laid on Damon fora while longer until I felt him twitch under me. He snuffled softlyas I raised my head to look up at him. His eyes were closed and hisbreathing was even. I couldn’t help the grin that barely formed onmy lips. He was asleep.
Glancing at theclock, I felt guilty for a moment. It was a little after four inthe morning and we had only gotten to sleep a few hours ago. Ifound it odd that he had fallen asleep so easily after the way Ihad woken but I understood why. Poor guy had to be exhausted fromconstantly being woken up by me.
I pulled the blanketup and around us before I tried to sleep again. I laid my cheekagainst his chest and listened to his deep inhale and exhale. Inand out. In and out. Relaxing further against his warmth.
I closed my eyes andwas immediately assaulted by the sight of blue eyes staring back atme. My eyes sprung open as I lifted my head. Sleep was clearly notgoing to happen.
