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“The second they gave her to me in the itchy hospital blanket, I grabbed the one you packed and asked the nurses to teach me the baby-burrito trick. I knew you wanted her to be in the soft blanket you picked out for her.”
I close my eyes for a second, trying to gain at least an ounce of composure.
“You scared me, Caitie,” he admits with his head resting next to mine. “So damn bad.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper and open my eyes to watch our daughter sleep, falling more in love by the second. With her and with him. “I scared me too, Callen.”
“Never leave me, Caitlin. I don’t think I’d know how to live without you,” he admits quietly.
“I promise.”
CAITLIN
You can’t get lost in the rain when you are the fucking storm.
Remember that when you’re scared.
—Caitlin’s Secret Thoughts
Itold Callen I didn’t want to see anyone, and for hours, I didn’t.
For hours, it was just the three of us.
My new, perfect family.
Safe and sound and whole.
Every time someone came in to check on me—which was a lot—we were tucked into this bed. I think the staff gave up on telling him Callen shouldn’t be there because he never moved. And I think Kenzie secretly loved it. Even if she lectured him at one point.
We spent hours with Callen’s arms wrapped around Anastasia and me as she nursed on and off all afternoon betweensleeping. The morning might have been hell, but the afternoon was heaven. It was everything I needed. It gave me perspective.
So when my mom and dad knocked on the door in the early evening, I let them in.
Callen didn’t move.
He didn’t even offer to move.
He made sure I was comfortable and safe and pressed a kiss to my head.
“My baby had a baby,” Mom whispers as Dad stands silently behind her, but I don’t miss the way he wipes at his eyes as Mom reaches out for Anastasia. “Can I hold her?”
“Sure,” I smile, and the baby’s eyes pop open as she’s taken from my chest. She cries until Mom shushes her gently, swaying. “Oh, Caitlin. She’s beautiful.”
Dad tugs the blanket away from her face and swallows down his emotions. “She looks just like you, principessa.”
But he can’t look at me.
He looks at Anastasia, my mother—hell, he even looks at Callen—but he can’t look at me.
“Daddy... None of this was your fault. You know that, right? Our argument didn’t cause any of this,” I try to tell him, but I can tell he doesn’t believe me by the firm shake of his head. “Even the all-powerful Sam Beneventi couldn’t cause this, Dad. I promise.”
“Caitlin... I’m sorry. I wasted so much time.” His eyes stay glued to my daughter, but his words hang heavy in the air. Dad doesn’t apologize.
“I think I’m sorry too,” I admit, and Callen tightens his hold on me. “I’m sorry you thought I was in danger and that you handled it the only way you thought you could to keep me safe. I won’t act like it didn’t hurt. That decision had such repercussions, and I still wish you would have talked to me instead of handling me like a child. But I think I understand itdifferently now. I’ve known my daughter for only a few hours, and I can’t imagine there isn’t anything in this world I wouldn’t do to keep her safe. Even if it means doing something I know she’ll hate me for.”
Dad’s agony-filled eyes finally focus on me.
“You don’t know what pure love is until you have a child. You think you do when you meet the right person, but the way that love changes the first second you see your baby’s eyes... It’s the purest love and purest fear you’ll ever feel. You’re going to walk around for the rest of your life with a piece of your heart beating outside of your own body. I love you, Caitlin, and I am truly sorry I hurt you. I wish I could say I won’t do it again, but to keep you safe, I’d do anything. Sacrifice anything,” he admits more softly than I’ve ever heard him speak.
