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“Tea?” I asked.
“Sure.” His tone was at ease, relaxed, like we’d done this a million times. I knew he could sense I wasn’t running away, but I just needed to speak about Aysia in my own way.
I plopped the kettle on the hook over the fire in the hearth and added another log, sparks flying. Straightening, I looked down into the flames and crossed my arms over my chest as I waited for it to boil.
“Correl’s orphanage, as I’m sure you know, was not a wonderful place to grow up,” I told him.
“I’ve heard the stories. It burned down, didn’t it? Correl died in the fire,” Lorik said.
“That would have been Veras’s handiwork,” I confessed. “Though he’ll never admit it. He did it for Aysia, in his own twisted way. I think a part of her even liked it. Anyway…I grew up with a woman—an Allavari woman—who had taken me in since I was a baby. I never knew my parents. She was kind to me—at least I think so. I only have fond memories of her. But she died when I was seven, and I went to live at the orphanage. I was there about a year before Aysia came. She was so small then. Just a child.”
Lorik frowned. “You raised her?”
I nodded. “I was a mother and a sister to her. Maybe that’s why I find it so hard to move on. To forgive. Because Iraisedher and I was no more than a child myself.”
Lorik cursed under his breath, soft and gentle.
“I was the eldest at Correl’s. I took care of many children, but with Aysia…our bond was always different. It was special. The others knew it. They would pick on her and I did what I could to protect her…but children can be cruel. She was alone a lot even though she had me. Correl would beat her with this strap when she didn’t come back by curfew. I would tend to her wounds, try to make her feel better.”
My throat tightened. After today, this was likely the last thing I wanted to talk about, but it felt good in its own way. Like picking off a scab that itched.
“We got older. We had all these plans. I would pledge myself to the Healers’ Guild when I was of age. I would take her when I left Correl’s, and she would apprentice under an artist so she could eventually pledge herself to the Artists’ Guild. But we would live together in a little cottage and have a home all our own where no one could hurt us again. And we would be free.”
The water in the kettle began to steam, and I took it from its holder, being careful not to burn myself. When I turned, I saw that Lorik had stood from his chair, a restless energy about him. He caught my wrist when I passed and took the kettle.
“Sit down,” he told me. Then he went to the cabinets, pulling out cups and silk satchels of dried tea leaves after I watched him rummage with endless curiosity. “Go on.”
He made us tea—naked in my kitchen—while I sunk down on the opposite chair, my back to the fire. Peek, I noticed, was sleeping, curled under the bench by the front door. Maybe he’d finally decided he trusted Lorik. His ears were relaxed, no longer perked, even in his slumber.
“And that’s what almost happened,” I continued, sighing, sliding my arms across the table, sweeping away unseen dust and playing with the edge of a thread I’d trimmed away from the spool. “I came of age. I left and took Aysia with me. I pledged myself to the Healers’ Guild, taking work where I could while studying beside them. Aysia got an apprenticeship. A few years later, Aysia came of age. And right when she was about to make her pledge…she met Veras. Then everything changed.”
“In what ways?” Lorik wondered, coming to the table with two mugfuls of steaming tea. The bitterness of the leaves perfumed the air, and I watched as he sat down in the opposite chair, sliding my cup across the wood table. His hand strayed close to my own, and he gave it a gentle caress, fluttering my belly, before pulling away. He leaned back in his chair, all warm, muscled flesh and a quizzical frown.
“I hardly ever saw her, for one,” I answered. “I think a part of me was jealous. He swept her off her feet, gave her anything she wanted. Their courtship was fast. Within a week of meeting, she was basically living with him on his estate. She stopped training under her artist, she decided to forgo the pledges for that particular year for the guild. All she talked about was Veras. She was in love. They both were,” I conceded.
“When did it start to go bad?”
“A few months in,” I replied, swallowing, wrapping my hand around the hot cup. “Everyone knew about Veras Lain. His illegal dealings with off-planet merchants for Allavari weapons.”
“Among other things,” Lorik commented, raising a brow.
“Exactly,” I said quietly. “Every time I tried to warn her or…” I sighed. “It only pushed her further away. We had a big fight about him a few months into their courtship, and she didn’t speak to me for almost four months. And when we finally reconciled…we were both so relieved, I think, to be back in one another’s lives that we played pretend. We didn’t speak about Veras, but she always went home to him. She always turned a blind eye to what he did. She gave up her art. Her entire life became him. And for the most part, I think she was happy with him. He made her happy, but…it cost her a lot. Too much.”
“Her life,” Lorik said gently, reaching across the table to take my hand. My heart gave a little throb at the gesture, and I threaded my fingers with his.
“Yes,” I whispered. “It happened so suddenly. Veras was meeting with a group of mercenaries from Jetutia. The negotiations turned bad apparently. They got angry. And Aysia…Aysia was there at the wrong time. They took her, ransomed her. Veras gave them the weapons they wanted…and they still killed her to punish him.”
“Fuck,” Lorik rasped, and my vision went blurry with that word. The days she’d been missing…they’d been absolute hell. “Marion, I’m sorry.”
I took a sip of my bitter tea, steeped a little too long, but I found the bite just distracting enough.
“It was nearly ten years ago now, and some days, it feels like it just happened,” I admitted. “And I was numb for a really long time. Then I was angry. And now…I don’t knowwhatI am anymore.”
Lorik’s gaze softened. “You’re breaking my heart, little witch.”
“But Veras might be right. I told you earlier. I just can’t…I can’t do this anymore. This isn’t the life I want.”
“Being alone?” he asked.
