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“Could I stay here tonight?” I say.
Their face changes, shifting back into that open, radiant expression I’ve gotten to glimpse tonight. They smile — a real smile with both sides of their mouth — and nod as though they can’t find the words. Avery tosses the dirty washcloth onto the floor and throws back the covers, ushering us both into their bed. As they settle against my side, their head on my chest, I’m surprised to find myself calm and peaceful. I’ve given into something I will probably come to regret, but the truth is that Avery is extraordinary, and they wanted me, and I wanted them, and it was … it was incredible. My body is too blissed out on feel-good brain chemicals to figure out how to regret that.
Avery is petting their fingers through the dark hair on my chest. “You okay?” they say.
“Yes,” I reply shortly. I don’t know where to begin expressing everything this night came with.
“I’m glad that we did this,” they say quietly.
I swallow. When I don’t respond, Avery pushes themself up onto their arms to peer down at me. Their long hair falls past their shoulders, and at last I can reach it. It’s just as soft as I imagined when I wind a strand between my fingers.
“Are you glad we did this?” Avery says. “Or are you going to run away from me again?”
The hurt in their voice plunges me into cold water. I dig for the right words to salvage this moment.
“I’m glad we did this,” I say. “I am. But I’m also trying to get my graduate degree. This was my dream school, my longshot. I didn’t expect to get in, and the first thing I did when I got here was … was fall for you. I could lose it all. I could lose everything.”
“I know,” Avery says. “I understand. I really do.”
“I don’t want to run from you. You’re…” I release that strand of hair to cup Avery’s face. They lean into the touch, eyes fluttering shut. “You’re incredible. But this is dangerous.”
Avery turns their head to kiss my palm. “I know it is. But we can be careful. There’s no one in this house but us. We aren’t on campus. We’re alone. It’s okay.”
I hope that’s true. I really hope it is. But the fear is trickling back in as we discuss this, a slow drip of poison.
“And you’re here,” Avery continues. “So some part of you is willing to risk it. Some part of you … likes me.”
It’s easy to smile at this bit, at least. I pull them down to me, kissing them yet again. I don’t think I could ever get sick of this mouth.
“All of me likes you, Avery,” I say.
And all of me is terrified of you.
Chapter Seventeen
Avery
WHEN I WAKE UP, he’s still here.
I know before I even open my eyes. Diego’s arm lies over me, a heavy, tangible weight that tells me he’s here, holding me as we cuddle in my bed. We fell asleep this way shortly after that conversation about Diego’s fears. Despite his trepidation, he didn’t run. He stayed here with me, and the truth of that is ringing through me like the final perfect note of a favorite song.
I tense when he stirs, but he simply yawns and kisses my shoulder, face buried against my back. It’s Sunday morning. Neither of us have anywhere we need to be. Which leaves me powerfully tempted to turn around in his arms and start kissing him again. I didn’t quite get enough of that last night.
But I don’t want to push it, not when Diego actually seems relaxed. As much as I led the charge when we got here, I’m going to have to allow him to drive this morning. The more I cling, the more it’ll ignite all those fears he confessed last night.
“Morning,” I say.
“Morning.” His gravelly morning voice vibrates against me and stirs up a flurry of pleasure in my gut, like a flock of birds taking flight.
I wait, and he simply lies there holding me. I don’t mind; really, I could do this all day if he wanted to, but eventually he lets go with a grumble and forces himself to sit up.
He’s beautifully rumpled when I drag myself up and get a look at him. His hair juts out in crazy angles. His eyes are bleary, his glasses resting on a nightstand. The warmth of deep, peaceful sleep glows in his tan cheeks. Best of all, he’s still naked, so even with the sheets covering part of him, I get another look at his firm chest and the dark hair scrawled across it. It’s all I can do not to coast my fingers through that hair, and I catch myself biting my lip to aid my efforts at self-control.
“Could I use your bathroom?” he says.
“Of course. Right over there. Albert left some new toothbrushes in the cabinet under the sink if you want to brush your teeth. There should be some other toiletries as well. Take whatever you need. Albert liked to stock up for guests.”
“Albert?” He rubs at his eyes before getting his glasses on.
