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I’m struck again by his unflinching bravery. He’s always been the bolder one out of the two of us. I’ve always been the cautious one, the hesitant one. The look in his eyes right now is pure, unyielding steel.
“Luke,” he says, “I want you to know something. I love my life. The people around me love me. They take care of me, and I take care of them. If you ever need someone, I will always be here for you. There will always be someone who has your back. Forever. I will always be someone youcan rely on, no matter what. You’re my little brother, and I love you, and that is never going to change.”
“I love you too,” I say, voice raw with emotion. “I … I have to get back to school.”
We make a promise to call again soon, but it’s hard hanging up, hard watching his face disappear from my screen. I have three minutes before I have to return to that school building, and I need every second of them to get myself under control. I knew this conversation would be hard, but I didn’t know it would also be so good. I want to be a better man. I want to be a braver man. I want to be like my big brother, but I don’t know if I have the courage to go for it, even with him supporting me.
Even so, as I turn toward the school, I unlock my phone and start typing: “Pride events near me.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sebastian
ANOTHER WEEK, ANOTHER seven days of wondering if I’ll hear from Luke.
Despite that amazing night we had on the weekend, I haven’t heard from him too much since then. Maybe he’s busy, but there’s always that other possibility, the possibility that he’s avoiding me. Did I push too much when we talked about his brother? Maybe, but it had to be said. He can’t keep living the way he’s living and expect not to hurt himself or someone else.
Or me.
Each day stretches the tension tighter, like a rubber band someone is pulling back and back before they let it go and it smacks me in the face. I’m bracing for the slap, even as I try to convince myself that Luke won’t be likethat. He won’t be another one of those guys I’ve dealt with throughout my adult life. He’s different.
I really, really hope he’s different.
As the week goes on and I don’t hear from him, anxiety boils in my gut like a slowly simmering stew. By the end of the week, it’s about ready to spill over, but at least I have my kids to keep me sane. Their big performance is this Saturday in Everett. I’ll be heading there after opening at the café, and once I’m there, those plucky youngsters will be my entire concern in the world.
I’m looking forward to it, and not just because I want to get my mind off of Luke. These kids have worked so hard. I truly believe they’re ready, but there’s always a chance that nerves get the better of a few of them. Most of them have never been on a stage or in front of a crowd before.
Okay, now I’m making myself nervous on two fronts. I try to focus on working at the café, but my nerves jump when I spot our new guy, Cameron, heading in to replace me in the afternoon. He wears his usual scowl, but I’ve come to expect that from him. I know he can turn on a smile for customers, and that’s what really counts.
“Thanks for being on time,” I say. “I gotta run.”
“Are your employees not typically on time?” He says it like it’s the most absurd thing he’s ever heard.
“We’ve had a lot of high schoolers helping out and they’re sometimes … less than reliable.”
Cameron scoffs, but I let it go. I don’t have time to regale him with tales of kids calling out at the last second and leaving me and Henry on the hook for double shifts.
I head out, hurrying to the bus stop, but I wind up being early. I’m simply too excited to take anything slow today.
Thankfully, the bus is on time, which means I will get to Everett with plenty of buffer to help my kids with their costumes and ensure they’re ready. There are a couple other volunteer teachers who are already there making sure the kids arrive on time and everything goes smoothly. Judging by my lack of panicked texts, I assume everything is on track.
I still jump off the bus and almost run to the park in downtown Everett. The stage is easy to spot thanks to the rainbow banner hanging over it. A few food and vendor stalls sit to the side of the stage, multi-colored balloons tethered to them and swaying in a light breeze that serves to cool the balmy June afternoon. Washington is off to a hot start this year, but trees shade the grassy area where the stage stands, so the kids shouldn’t get too overheated during their performance.
They shout my name when they spot me heading toward them. I grin, all the tension I’ve been holding onto melting away in an instant. They’re bouncing around in their costumes, which cover them head to toe in rainbows.Rainbow shirts. Rainbow pants. Rainbows painted on their cheeks.
“You all look so amazing,” I say as I stride up to them.
They pepper me with questions and greetings, and I field as many as I can untangle from the mass. I know they’re simply nervous, but hopefully my reassurances will settle them before they have to get on stage.
The program starts with a speaker, and I gather up the kids behind the stage and encourage them to be quiet so they don’t disrupt anything. A band goes on and plays a few songs, and after the third one, it’s time for us to get ready.
“Okay, everyone,” I say, huddling among them, “remember your steps. Remember how hard you practiced. Youareready to do this. I promise you that.”
“What if I get scared?” one of the younger ones, Elizabeth, says.
“Then remember that you have your friends all around you, okay? Everyone on stage is your friend. You don’t need to look at the crowd. You can look at them. Or at me. I’ll be right off to the side.”
Elizabeth smiles a little, and I hope my pep talk is working. She’s a bit shyer than a lot of the others, but she has the steps down. She can do this if she doesn’t lose her nerve.
