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Shit. What did I do? Just like that, he’s paying for our drinks and leading me outside, and I’m cursing the stupid, stupid impulse that led me to reach for him like that. Of course I freaked him out. What the hell was I thinking?
When we get out onto the sidewalk, he doesn’t shoo me away, however. He offers me a ride.
“Are you sure?” I say — stupidly.
“It’s late,” he says. “You live close?”
“Yes, but … you really don’t mind?”
“My car is over here,” he says instead of answering.
This night has been a wild ride, and it seems like it’s not over yet. I follow him numbly to a humble little two-door, then tell him my address. Luke programs it into his phone and starts driving without a word. I still have no idea what’s going on, what happened back in the bar, what this shift in attitude means. I puzzle over it for the entire, albeit short, drive to my apartment at the edge of town.
It’s only when Luke stops that I notice he’s white-knuckling the steering wheel.
“You have roommates?” he says.
“No,” I say. “Just me. It’s a little apartment, but it’s not so bad. Why, you waiting for me to invite you in?”
I meant it as a joke, the final stupid act in a night full of stupid acts, but when Luke glances over at me, he isn’tlaughing. He meets my eyes full-on, and there is no hint of mirth in his gaze.
Wait.
Hold on.
Have I beenthiswrong about this guy the whole time?
“Oh my God,” I say softly.
Luke winces and tears his gaze away. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I—”
I set a hand on his arm to stop him. “I was only joking because I thought you were straight. My God, you hide it well.”
“Does that mean…” he says.
“Dear lord,yes,” I nearly shout. “Yes, I am inviting you in. Are you … are you actually going to come in?”
“I could.”
I might be the king of meaningless hookups, but this one right here takes the cake. If you gave me a thousand guesses about how this night was going to go, I never would have guessed this.
I grip his arm tighter. “Let’s go.”
Chapter Six
Luke
I FOLLOW WHEN Sebastian exits my car. I barely remember to turn the engine off and lock the doors behind me as I trail him to a metal gate. It lets us into a narrow courtyard flanked by apartment doors. We pass a few before Sebastian stops and fits his key into a lock. When the door clicks the sound echoes through my chest.
Sebastian pauses just within the doorway, draped in shadows that hide part of his face and body from me. It’s like he’s crossing into a land I can’t see, a realm on the other side of a magic mirror. If I take his hand and cross the threshold, I’ll get to see what’s on the other side, but this side — the real, boring, mundane world over here — will forever seem gray and dull by comparison.
“Are you sure?” he says.
I get why he’s asking. I get how I look. My appearance isn’t an accident. The boring teacher attire. The boring hair. The boring beard. I’ve cultivated the most ordinary outer shell I could manage, like a snail looking for the ugliest shell I could find. I hope it makes me too unremarkable to notice; I certainly never expected anyone as bright and striking as Sebastian to take an interest, but when his fingers brushed my forehead it cracked that hard casing of self-control.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I say. “As long as you’re okay with it.”
Sebastian scoffs. I wouldn’t call the sound a laugh. It’s too hard and mirthless.
