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I blink, happy tears shining in my vision. “And I love you.”
Two months.
That’s how long I spent in the hospital.
They had to make sure I could eat, have regular bowel movements. All that super fun stuff. My stomach muscles still hurt a little bit when I walk but I finally get to break free. Only to be locked up in the damn penthouse. Atticus hasn't let me out for a week.
The entire time I was in the hospital we avoided talking about anything serious. Focus was solely on my mental and physical health. He even brought in his therapist for me to talk to several times a week.
We addressed what Joseph did to me. And now I know it’s not something I can get over. I have to learn to live with it. Build my mind back up as a safe place, because he took that from me. The safety of my own mind. If I’m honest, my brain has blocked most of it out, doing the protective thing it always does. And I’m in no hurry to remember every detail.
But today, Atticus texted me and told me to be ready by seven. So, I guess I’m finally going to get out for a little bit.
I wrap a sweater around my dress, slipping into some boots and making my way to the elevator where Russell greets me. Russell, my personal bodyguard who I’m positive is paid extra to not talk to me or look me directly in the eyes.
“Let’s go, miss.”
Chapter 38
I wait impatientlyin the old abandoned church I used to bring her to when we were younger. I may have bought it as soon as I acquired money. I may have hired groundskeepers to make sure it did not disintegrate. And I also may have had the piano restored. I might have done those things.
She doesn't climb through the window like we used to, instead she comes in the front door. I probably had that fixed too.
I have nothing left to offer her but my story and my last name. I’m hoping she’ll accept it. Hoping she won’t fucking run. Or maybe… she should run so I can hunt her down and fuck some sense into her. Either way, there will never be her without me again.
She looks around as she walks between the pews. I hold my breath until she reaches me, fisting my hands so I don't reach out and touch her. Jullia said this is the next step. Show her all of me.
“What is this, Atticus?”
I swallow, grabbing her hand, and leading her to the piano. I sit besides her, my hands resting on the keys as I begin a soft melody.
“My life had no purpose until I saw your ash eyes and knew I needed to protect you. I had hurt so many, so many I couldn't save, but I knew I'd sacrifice my very soul to make sure I didn't hurt you.” She begins adding notes to the piano, playing in harmony with me as I spill my guts out. “I know I let you down. Sometimes I wasn't there, I would sneak off to escape my reality, leaving you vulnerable and I hated myself for it. I was young. I didn't..”
Taking a deep breath I continue. “I knew they had plans to sell you. I just didn't know when, but when he tried to force me to rape you, I knew it was coming. So, I did everything I could to save you, sacrificing myself in the process. I never regretted it, but I grew envious of you as I watched you grow, walking around carefree and forgetting me completely. As if burying me with your dark past. It pissed me off because I couldn't forget you.”
I feel her hands in my hair, soothing me. “I spent years under the thumb of a woman, her name was Ma'am. I was her slavein every way imaginable, until I wasn't. Until Francis helped me escape her clutches and burn everything she worked for to the ground. I killed her. It was the first time I felt anything in a long time. And after that, I couldn't stop. I hunted every single person in her ring down until I eliminated them. And now, I hunt the others and feel zero remorse in ridding the world of them.”
My hands stop playing and I turn to her. Her eyes are misty as she watches me. “I’m not a good man, I never will be, but I'll burn the world down for you. There is never a moment in time that I will sacrifice you for the greater good. I will destroy any and everything to protect you. Do you understand? Do you truly get how much I love you?” I ask.
She sniffs, nodding.
“Can you take me as I am?”
“Of course I can. I’ve loved you forever, Atticus. Nothing can change that.” She runs her fingers over my scars and I capture them, holding her hand flat against my face. “You're the melody in my soul.” She smiles.
“I know I’m supposed to apologize for all the fucked up things I’ve done, done to you, but I’m not fucking sorry. I’d relive every moment as long as it led me back to you. All the pain, the violence, fucking all of it.” I lay my forehead on hers. “I don’t deserve you, I know this and yet, if you tried to leave me, I’d lock you up again. Because you hating me for the rest of my life is better than not having you at all.”
Her hands unbutton my shirt. “I’m not going anywhere. You don’t scare me,Beast.”
I groan, capturing her lips and lifting her up onto the keys as the bench falls behind me. I don’t have the restraint to give her foreplay. It’s been months since I’ve been inside her and I cannot wait another second.
Reaching into my pocket, I grab the ring, slipping it on her finger as I sink myself inside her. Groaning at the feeling ofbeing home. “I’ve fucking missed you,” I growl, sinking my teeth into her neck and listening to her breathy little moans.
“I’ve missed you.” She kisses the side of my face.
“You’ll never leave me again.” I growl, punctuating my statement with each thrust.
“Never. Never. Never.” She chants.
