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Releasing a shaky laugh, I lifted my head and stared at the lights above.
Games were only fun if the players didn’t get caught up, and I had foolishly let myself get caught.
Releasing a sigh, I heard the ding. Drying my eyes, I left Connor behind along with my past hopes.
Connor
The minute the door shut behind her, I knew I’d fucked up.
Even as I’d called the model over, I had felt something wrong within, and yet, I couldn’t stop myself from trying to fill the yawning hole inside me.
I’d purposely hadn’t called her.
Convincing myself she’d gotten too attached, that she’d started growing too sure of her place in my life. I would show her I didn’t need her, or her love.
Now I stood alone, pissed at myself and everyone around me.
Lesly had tried to stop me from polishing two bottles of whiskey, and I’d threatened to unman him if he fucking dared to touch the bottle.
How could I explain to them, that I’d been falling for the very woman I’d sinned against in school? What words of pity would they give me?
And how the fuck was I supposed to apologize? When the person I wanted, needed to speak to had kept her promise.
I couldn’t find her, no matter how many times I went to her apartment both drunk and sober. I hired men to follow her, and they all returned with the same shit.
“They couldn’t find her, or they’d lost her.”
I would’ve kept sending men if Grant hadn’t busted into my office demanding I stop.
“Enough! Connor, you can’t keep fucking sending the men out! We need them!” He’d stared down at me in confusion and worry. “Shit, what the fuck happened to you, have you even showered in the last few weeks?”
I shrugged as I reached for the ever-present bottle of something strong. “It just hasn’t been important.”
“What!” He walked over to my side. Grabbing me by the collar, he jerked me up. “Move on! She doesn’t matter, she’s just another one of the bit—!”
Bam!
I didn’t hold back, slamming my fist into his jaw. He staggered back as I stared down at him. My body shaking with pent up rage, my eyes red. “Say it again, I fucking dare you!” I yelled.
He looked up at me before he stood and ran at me.
We totaled my office, punching and hitting each other till we were both covered in bruises, and Lesly had to be called.
“Connor, you’ve got to stop this man.” I didn’t heed him, I just stopped sending the men.
I even felt excitement for the wedding day, I would see her, speak to her. Like a man starving, I dressed in care. Believing, praying that when I saw her, she’d see that I was the perfect man for her.
The day of the wedding, she didn’t even show up. During such a festive and exciting moment for her own mother, she kept her promise.
Sitting and staring at the pulpit where my father and new mother had stood, I realized that I would never see her again.
Toya, my Piggy wouldn’t ever permit me to see her again.
The harsh reality of it, was in sharp contrast to the people who were following the groom and bride from the church.
My head hung down as everything dimmed to a stark grey.
Getting up, I headed out not in the mood to celebrate the festivities. Realizing I had destroyed my one chance at happiness, I couldn’t help but feel anger at the little boy inside who’d never grown up past the pain of losing his mother.
