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“Thanks.” She said it slowly and then continued, “I guess I’m not used to having help with . . . things.”
We walked slowly and I thought about that, about what her life must have been like. Like me, she’d been labeled insufficient as an infant, before she’d even had a chance. But unlike me, she’d never been granted the knowledge that maybe she was enough, that she was worthy of love. No one ever chose her. The insight struck me hard, and I almost stumbled as the thought hit me. I caught myself and continued walking, the revelation that even though my parents had chosen to lie to me for the entirety of ourrelationship, at some point they had actuallychosenme. They had picked me even after some unknowable parents had cast me off. It was a small comfort. One that Holland didn’t have.
I gazed at her, all long legs and glowing hair walking beside me in the gleaming sun. When we were outside, none of the hesitation I’d seen in the coffee shop showed. She strode with her head up and her eyes forward, like the sidewalk belonged to her. It was the thing I’d noticed in the coffeehouse that first day, the thing that drew me to her most. She was confident and strong, sure of herself. She was fucking amazing.
We strolled south along Ocean Avenue until we got to the pier, the Ferris wheel turning at a pace that matched the serene ocean waves rolling in. There were tourists crowding the arcade and standing in line for rides, and children shrieked and hollered as they pounded past us on chubby legs. It was a relief to be amid the chaos because it distracted me, kept me from thinking too hard. I bought two tickets to the Ferris wheel without consulting Holland, and led her to the line beneath it, turning to face her as we waited.
“I’m supposed to be working today,” she said, staring up at the massive wheel.
“There are a lot of things I’m supposed to be doing,” I told her. “And we did lots of work today. And yesterday. There’s always tomorrow.”
She blew out a frustrated breath, her eyes widening. “I should spend every second I have on it. I know this is just a passing distraction for you, Hale. But for me? This is a make-or-break presentation. If I blow this . . .” Her voice trailedoff and her eyes slid across mine for a second before she squeezed them shut.
Without thinking, I reached out and took her chin gently in my hand, leaning in. “I won’t let you blow it.” It was a promise, one I intended to keep.
For a brief second, her eyes flew open and melted under my gaze, becoming liquid and cloudy, her face just inches from my own. But then she took a step back and covered whatever expression I’d glimpsed with a bright smile. “It’s stopping.”
The Ferris wheel had stopped turning and was letting people out as the line advanced and new riders took their places. Holland looked uncertain, but let me drag her into a cheerful yellow car where she sat across from me. As we rose into the air, Holland turned her head, looking around her like a nervous kid, and I let myself watch her. Her eyes glowed as we rose higher, her excitement—or was it fear?—plain in the flush on her cheeks, the bright glint of those crystal eyes. She was childlike in some ways, quick to laugh and smile. But I’d seen the tough edge she could don, too—the one that had called me an asshole the first time we met, the one that had survived a childhood undoubtedly spent plagued by the pain of never having been chosen. The fire inside her was compelling, and I felt my cock stirring to life as I watched her across from me, her simple T-shirt doing little to hide the perfect curve of her breasts, the long slim lines of her milky arms. I wanted to touch her. Hell, I wanted a lot more than that.
I’d been with women—plenty of them,but Celia the longest. And none of them had awakened the kind of pure desire I felt around Holland. Celia had been beautiful, smart, and self-assured. But she had also been essentially dropped in my lap like everything else I’d once had. I hadn’t had to work for her, hadn’t wanted to win her. With Holland, it was completely different. I wanted her. I wanted to cover her body with mine, strip those tight jeans from her hips and ease into her, feel her sweetness and steel surrounding me. I wanted to lose myself in this girl. Hell, I was crazy enough to think maybe I didn’t just want to have her. I wanted to keep her.
But instead of doing anything at all, I just watched her, wondering how long I could hope to keep her in my life.
She grinned at me, an edge of tension in her smile, and I felt myself smile back, though I realized in that moment that if we were going to go any further, if I was going to keep her—as friends or . . . anything else, I needed to let her know who I was. I doubted she’d let the news that I was the CEO of the company she worked for just roll off her back. Especially since we’d been strategizing together on a technology that could very well save the company. My company.
I needed to come clean. “Holland,” I started, but as the wheel crested the top of its arc, she slid from her side of the small covered car over to mine. She was suddenly beside me, pressing herself into my side with wide frightened eyes, and words flew from my brain.
“I should have mentioned that I hate heights,” she whispered, an edge of panic in her voice.
I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her againstme, her warmth sweet against my chest as she ducked her head beneath my chin, refusing to look. “That might have been useful information,” I said.
I’d misread her panic as excitement, and cursed myself for putting her in an uncomfortable position. At the same time, I didn’t regret having her nestled at my side. Her hair smelled like lemons and vanilla as she curved into the hollow of my body, and I couldn’t help burying my face in its crown, inhaling her. As the wheel descended, Holland looked up and around, but she stayed pressed into my side, and each time we rose, she buried her face again.
Holland was in my arms, filling my senses. I wrapped my other arm across her, protecting her from whatever unseen enemies attacked those suspended on Ferris wheels, and every thought flew from my mind except for one. I never wanted this ride to end.
CHAPTER 10
Holland
After what felt like forever—an amount of time still not long enough for me to get over how natural it felt to be in the circle of Hale’s massive arms—our car finally stopped at the bottom and the ride operator opened the door for us to get out. I pried myself from Hale’s side and stepped out onto the platform. My mind should have been racing. I should have been embarrassed, or self-conscious, or . . . something. But instead I felt like I was waking up from a sweet nap under a heavy soft blanket, my mind slightly fuzzy and my body still buzzing with the last vestiges of some dream.
We stepped back down onto the pier, Hale still shouldering my heavy bag, and he smiled at me as our eyes met. His face was clearer than I’d seen it, the trouble that stormed through his eyes so often gone for now.
In silence, we walked to the edge of the pier, winding our way among the tourists and through the vendors until westood at the railing overlooking the dark murk below. With the barrier pressed against our ribs, we stared out at the expanse of blue, and Hale’s arm went around me once more as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
I didn’t say anything, just stood in wonder as I tried to process the feelings rushing through me. Hale was at my side, huge, strong and stoic, and I felt safe and taken care of in a way I hadn’t in as long as I’d been old enough to be conscious of the meaning of those words. When I was small, Delia used to wrap her arms around me as I lay in her bed, our lean little-girl bodies pressed together. She had whispered to me when I was frightened, telling me stories full of the things we both dreamed of—family, home, love. But that hadn’t been the same. Hale’s nearness was bigger, stronger. And while I knew Delia loved me with a ferociousness that could defeat many threats and I would always want her on my side, this was different. It occurred to me that Hale could probably take on the whole world if he needed to. He radiated strength and capability.
There was also the fact that he was ridiculously hot, which didn’t hurt. I tried not to focus too much on that, but my heart was stuttering in my chest as his hand traced a line up my shoulder, and my breath caught in my throat when he looked right at me.
This was new to me, this sudden reaction. I just wasn’t the weak-kneed type. If I was, I’d never survive at a place like Cody Tech, where men surrounded me all the time, and they held almost all the power. I was stronger than that. But Hale wasdifferent. Hale gave me no choice.
Even when I’d first hated him at the coffeehouse, I’d felt an unwanted reaction to him, some kind of chemical response. Every time I’d seen him since then, I’d felt it—a draw like magnet to metal. I’d begun to notice that spending time with him and fighting the instinct—to move nearer, to touch him, to breathe him—was exhausting. My body wanted him, and having been in his arms, pressed into the broad strength of his chest, all I felt now was his absence.
As if he knew what I was thinking, Hale squeezed me against him, and then turned to look down at me. I wasn’t a small woman, and I wasn’t meek. I was five-foot-seven and most people used the word “outspoken” to describe me. It was an underhanded compliment, but I was fine with that. I owned it. Despite that, Hale made me feel tiny, peering down from what had to be at least six-foot-three. “You okay now?” His voice was tender, with a rough edge to it that sent a chill up my spine.
I nodded. “Sorry about that. I shouldn’t have gotten on. I wasn’t thinking.”
“I didn’t give you a lot of choice. I’m sorry.”
