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“I honestly didn’t think I’d ever feel this way,” I told her, taking her hand. “I thought I was broken, or that maybe the universe had a different plan for me, that maybe love wasn’t something I deserved after...everything.”
“Archie, stop.” Emily’s eyes were shining now, and she squeezed my hand and then pulled hers away. She was shaking, a tear breaking loose and rolling down her cheek. This wasn’t the reaction I’d been expecting.
I could see by the drop of her eyes, the sorrowful lines of her mouth, that she had something else to say. Something I didn’twant to hear. She didn’t feel the same way. I braced myself for the pain.
“I need to tell you something,” she said, not meeting my eyes. “And I’m not sure what you’ll think of me after you know.” Emily’s entire posture had stiffened as if she was bracing herself to deliver these words.
“What?” I couldn’t think of anything she might tell me that would matter. Was she married? Involved with someone else? I was sure that wasn’t it. I issued silent prayers to the universe that it was nothing. That it wouldn’t matter at all. “What is it?” I was sure there was nothing she could say that would alter how I felt, but clearly this affected how she felt.
“I haven’t been completely honest with you. About why I came up here. About who I am.” Her eyes wouldn’t meet mine, and I felt the distance between us expanding as she shrunk into herself.
“Who you are? You came for the conference...you’re a writer.” My brain was struggling to match a rhythm with my heart. “What do you mean?” Time stood still as I waited for whatever it was that Emily needed to say.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kaboom!
EMILY
“Icame for the conference, yes. But I came here specifically. Because I hoped you would be here.”
“You came to meet me?” I watched hope bloom on Archie’s face as his shoulders slid down. Dread pooled inside me, but I needed to tell him. Had to.
“Kind of. I came to see you. To see what kind of man you were.” I braced myself, met his eyes briefly and then dropped his gaze, unable to handle the clear love I saw there. It was about to disappear. Probably forever. I formed the words in my mind and then spoke them aloud. “I’m Jake’s sister. Emily Schaeffer.”
I waited, afraid to look up into Archie’s face as he absorbed the information. After what felt like years, he spoke. “I...Jake’s sister?”
“Shazz. I’m his sister.” It came out like an apology. “Your accident that day. It was my brother who died.” A tear slid down my cheek and I hated myself for it. This was not my moment tobe sad, to mourn. I was the bad guy here, admitting that for the past two weeks, I’d been lying to the man in front of me. A good man. A man I was in love with. It wasn’t my turn to cry.
I glanced up, pain slicing me as I saw the realization sink through Archie. “But...You knew? The whole time, you knew, and you didn’t say anything?”
“I never expected to end up so close to you, to want to?—”
“What did you want?” He asked, anger slipping into his tone. “I can’t think of a single reason why you’d keep that a secret. Especially at the hotel in Colorado Springs. When I told you. When I told you everything.” He practically hissed out the last part, and I crumpled, remembering his confessed sins in the dark. Remembering that I’d said nothing.
I reached for him, but he pulled away, and a sob slipped from me as I tried to explain. I’d known it would be like this. I’d known, and now I had to take it. The anger, the hurt. I’d earned it. “I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t know what I expected. I had to see you, meet you. My father’s made you out to be this monster, and?—”
“You needed to see the monster in person? What kind of sense does that make? Are you even a writer or was that all part of the scam?” Archie stood up suddenly.
I shook my head and rose to move toward him again. If I could just stay close, try to explain myself, maybe he would forgive me.
“Why? Why would you come here and lie like that?”
I was crying openly now, my chest heaving. I squeezed my eyes shut, realizing it was over. All of it. “I’m so sorry, Archie. It’s just—you’re like a shadow in my family, this evil thing that none of us really ever knew or understood, and my father’s built you up like that for years, and I just...I had to show myself that it wasn’t true. That you were just a man, that it wasn’t your fault.”
There was more I had to say. For him. And I knew I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t say the rest, no matter how hard it would be. I reached for him, both my hands locking around his shoulders. “You do know that? It wasn’t your fault, Archie. It was an accident—I understand that now. And you weren’t to blame.”
He pulled away. “It’s not up to you to decide that,” he said in a hoarse voice. But he was wrong. He needed to hear it.
“You have to forgive yourself,” I said, hoping the words would cut through his anger. “Even if you’ll never speak to me again, never see me again, Archie. You have to forgive yourself and let yourself live.”
He stared at me, said nothing. For a long moment, my heart hung in the balance between us. I spoke once more, finishing the truth I should have told him long before now. “I’m falling in love with you too. And that’s why I didn’t say anything. I knew it would ruin it all.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Getting What You Want. And Wanting Something Else.
GHOST
