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In some ways, it had been the best week of my life. Ryan fucking McDonnell really did move here. He’d bought a house by the water, and had arranged to have his things sent and he was going back soon to get his father and bring him here.
His dad wasn’t doing well, and the nurse Ryan had hired had helped him vet the community Gran had pointed him to, agreeing that it was a good fit. Mr. McDonnell would be living nearby, and Ryan had made peace with the idea of him living apart, in a place where he had round the clock care. And unlike the extremely costly community in Santa Monica that Ryan had been considering, this one was affordable.
In the meantime, he’d furnished part of the house from the local shops, and had a wonderful bedroom and a functioning kitchen set up in the new place. We’d spent long evenings on his huge deck and even longer mornings in his big bed. But Gran had seemed frailer suddenly, and we spent most of our time at the plantation house with her.
Finally, I’d sat down with her, worried. “Gran, what’s going on?”
She had shaken her head like a child, refusing to look me in the eye.
I began to guess. “You’re sad because you’re ninety and now you actually feel like you’re aging?”
A head shake.
“You’re bummed because the party’s over and Jules went home?”
Another shake.
“Is it Chessy? You miss Chessy?” Jack had called a week after he’d gotten home, and confided that he really missed his chicken friend. He’d asked if there was any chance he might drive out and adopt her, and Gran had agreed. Chessy had been moping since he’d left anyway.
“It isn’t the damned chicken,” Gran said.
“You’re acting like a child.”
An angry glare.
Ryan walked by the window outside, shirtless after a run. I stared at him, still shocked that he kept coming back, that it hadn’t all turned out to be just a really amazing, really lucid dream.
We both watched until he was out of sight, and something occurred to me.
“Wait, Gran,” I said softly. “Are you upset that Ryan stayed here?”
She lifted a shoulder, still not giving in.
“You’re not happy for me?” This seemed hard to believe. She’d told me forever to find someone to make me happy. “You’re—?” I was about to try again, but she finally opened her mouth.
“I don’t want you to leave me, okay? I just … I’m too old to live by myself.” She stared down at her lap as she said it, and I thought my strong old Gran looked closer to tears than I could ever remember seeing her. “Everyone in my life has left me, Tess. Everyone but you. My son—your handsome father—is gone. My husband has been gone for more years than I can even believe. All my friends have died.” She looked up at me then, and I saw the years on her face, saw how lonely it was to be ninety and feel alone.
“No,” I said softly. “I’ll never leave you, Gran. Never.” I pulled her into my arms, leaning forward and wrapping myself around her. We weren’t very affectionate normally, but I held her thin body close and tried to push all my love for her through that hug. “I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered.
Gran pulled back and shook herself slightly, like a cat throwing off irritating drops of water. “But that’s silly to promise, isn’t it? You’re young. You’re in love. It’s selfish of me to make you feel guilty about it.” She looked up at me then, all the sadness pushed down inside her, replaced by the ninety years of experience she’d gathered.
“Of course not. You’re my family. You’re all I’ve got besides Jules. We’re sticking together.”
“But Ryan bought that house for you.”
“He bought a house,” I confirmed. “But this is my home.”
“Maybe I’ll go live in the place Ryan’s dad is going to go.” She pushed out her lip as she said it, and I realized that maybe the situation with Ryan’s dad had made her consider her own mortality in a more real way.
“Gran,” I whispered, forcing her to look me in the eye. “You can live wherever you want. If you want to move there, to one of those cute little cottages we showed Ryan’s dad, you can. But his challenges are very different from yours, and you know that.”
“If I moved there’d be other old people around. Maybe I’d make some friends.”
I nodded, but her words sounded like she was just testing the idea out. “Whatever you want.”
Gran’s wrinkled face collapsed on itself for the briefest of moments, and a tiny sob escaped her, and then she recovered herself, sucking in a long breath and shaking her shoulders out slightly. “Tess,” she said then. “It sucks getting old.”
“Better than the alternative?” I suggested.
