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We stood there a minute more, Jace using the door as a shield between us and the silence full of something more, something inviting, promising.
"Do you want to come in?" Jace asked, pulling the door wider.
I hesitated, the wiser side of my mind wondering what this invitation meant. But I trusted Jace, and I knew I was safe with him—he was being polite, that was all. I was curious, too. I'd been in this room, of course, but not since he'd moved in and made it his own.
"Sure, for a minute." I stepped in, looking around me. The bed was neatly made, a simple white duvet pulled up to navy pillows. A desk sat in one corner, a little lamp on its surface illuminating a pretty impressive collection of books, many of them open, and a laptop sat to one side. Jace was studying—he’d told me that, and I admired it.
The rest of the room was tidy, a set of dumbbells tucked under the armchair next to the window, another chair facing it in front of the gas fireplace.
Jace wasn't the type of guy to leave his clothes laying around, it seemed, and as I stepped in, he scooped up a towel and gave me an apologetic glance. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll just be a second."
He disappeared into the little hallway that I knew held a closet and led to the connected bathroom. When he re-emerged, he had a South Bay Sharks shirt pulled across that impressive chest, and I felt a wash of disappointment.
"I don't really have anything to offer you," he said, gesturing around the room. "A protein bar?" He smiled, his dark eyes framed by lashes I'd have to pay someone in a salon to get myself.
"I'm fine," I said, happy when he sat down in the chair facing mine, making it seem like he might relax, talk a little. "I'm sorry, I'm totally intruding ..." I was starting to realize how strange this was, how potentially inappropriate.
"No," he said quickly. "I mean. I'm happy for the company, actually."
A little flicker of happiness sprang to life in my chest. I settled back into the chair. "Okay, if you're sure."
He leaned his forearms on his knees and sighed, then looked up at me, a sadness in his eyes so profound that I wanted to fall to my knees in front of him, take him into my arms and comfort him. I had no idea what could make him look like that, but I thought I'd give anything to know.
"I am sure," he said. "It was kind of a rough day. It's nice to see you, actually."
"Is everything okay with your mom?" I asked, not sure how far I could intrude.
He looked away, straightening and glancing out his window into the darkness, and sighed again like a man looking at something terrible that he couldn’t change. "Not really, but that's just kind of how things are."
His answer didn't invite me to ask any more questions, so I didn't. "That sounds so hard, Jace."
He met my eyes then, his head cocked slightly to one side, like he was trying to understand something. A sad smile crossed the full lips. "It just is," he said. "We can’t fix everything."
Neither of us said anything for a minute, and I felt I owed him some kind of explanation, some reason I was pushing myself into his space like this. "I feel like I should apologize for last night. Or maybe for this," I began. "For asking you for more than I'm actually paying you for. I mean, your job isn't about hanging out with your client. I know that."
He was shaking his head slowly, but I couldn't stop talking now.
"I guess it's just that ... how sad is this? I'm lonely and you're here. Maybe that's all it is."
"Is that all it is?" His eyes were sharp on mine. Was his voice a little bit disappointed?
That was definitely not all this was. Not for me. It was a lot more than that. But it probably wasn't right. I didn't know if he could get fired if we ...
If we did what? What did I want, exactly? I didn't know. I took a breath, dropping his gaze. Should I tell him it was nothing to me? Could I lie? I was a pretty good actress, even if I hadn’t won that Oscar I’d been nominated for. Jace deserved my honesty, and I found myself wanting to give it to him. Wanting to give him much more, if he’d take it. "No. That's not all it is. Not for me."
It was as if the entire room condensed around us then, narrowing to the next words that would fall between us, the next words that might determine what happened here.
"For me either." His voice was low and deep, these words rocky and jagged. I knew I could cut myself on their edges if I wasn't careful.
"So ..." I began. I wanted to ask what it was then, what we were. I wanted to find out if he was worried about his job, his family, if spending this kind of time with me was dangerous for him.
But then I realized.
Of course it was. And it didn't matter what I wanted. I wasn't the one here with everything to lose. I was being an entitled movie star, expecting everyone around me to cater to my whims. Here I was, in the room of one of my staff, expecting him to entertain me late at night, to let me feel like this crush wasn't completely ridiculous, to help me be less lonely. I was being entitled and selfish.
I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to stand. "Jace, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be in here. It's your day off, and I'm expecting you to spend it entertaining me just because I'm lonely, or confused, or—"
I was at the door of his room, had stepped almost out into the hallway, when his voice stopped me.
