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Tears blur my vision as I fold the letter up and slide it back into its envelope. My heart throbs with pain, love, and hope in equal measure.
I know what I want.WhoI want.
I just hope she still wants me.
Chapter 7
Hazel
I’ve cried so much tonight that my face is hot and swollen, and my whole body is exhausted. I don’t feel like talking with anyone—even the girls. I feel too raw.
I’m curled up now in front of my little Christmas tree, dotted with my small collection of ornaments. Some were mine when I met Tom, some were his, and the rest are the ones we got after we got married. The year after he died, I almost didn’t put up my tree, but decided that Tom would want me to have something bright and joyful to look at. I talked to the tree like it was a direct connection to him, and it feels good to do it again tonight.
“It sounds kinda dumb, Tom, but I think I was just happy to know that somebody was excited to see me,” I tell my tree. “It’s just been me, coming home alone for two years, and I thought maybe that would change.”
I blow my nose and toss the balled-up tissue into the nearly-overflowing wastebasket. “I still love you so much, and I want to love someone else that much, too. I thought it might be Callum, but he doesn’t want me enough. He didn’t even tell me that he was planning to leave.”
My voice breaks and a fresh sob bubbles up. I’m just about to throw another tissue into the wastebasket when I hear a knock at my front door.
With my blanket clutched around my shoulders, I stand up and peer out the window.
It’s Callum.
Time to get this over with, I think, and I throw the deadbolt and pull the door open.
“Hi Hazel,” he says. He looks tired and grim.
“Hi,” I reply weakly.
“Can—can I come in?” he asks. Behind him, snowflakes swirl in the dark winter night, and freezing-cold gusts of wind bite at my exposed skin. The earnest look in his eyes has my heart softening.
“Yeah, sure,” I say, and stand back to let him pass. “Please sit down.”
He settles awkwardly on my couch and removes his hat, toying with the brim as he stares at me. I sit down next to him and look at him expectantly.
“I’m sorry,” he blurts out. “I acted like such a shit yesterday. It wasn’t fair, and that’s not who I am. Ruthie called me an idiot right after you left, and she was right. I know it was hard to give me the letter, and you don’t have to justify anything to me.”
“I didn’t realize how hard it would be,” I admit. “It was...it was the last thing I had left to do for Tom. I didn’t want it to be over, and then I just got so caught up in spending time with you. I loved being with you. So much.”
“Oh, Hazel.” he reaches out and takes my hands in his big, cold ones. “I love being with you, too.”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls the letter out. I see that it’s been opened, and my heart thumps painfully.
“Do you want to know what it said?” he asks gently.
“Only if you want to share.” I gulp and a fresh tear trickles down my cheek. Callum reaches out and gently wipes it away.
“He told me how much he loved you,” Callum says. “He asked me to...to take care of you.”
“That’s so like him,” I say with a laugh. “He always wanted to take care of me. But you don’t have to, honestly. I do just fine taking care of myself.”
“That’s the thing, Hazel.” Callum shifts until he’s on his knees in front of me, his palms resting gently on my thighs. “Iwantto take care of you. I want you to feel like you can always count on me to be there for you. Because you can.”
He pauses, choosing his words carefully. “And I want that too. If I have a hard day, I want to know that you’ll be there to support me when I go home. Not someone else—you.”
I rest my hands on his shoulders. “I want that, too,” I tell him. “I miss Tom, but I’m ready to start a new chapter of my life. With you, if that’s what you want.”
I reach up and brush away a tear as it trickles down his cheek before I lean down and press my lips to his. Our kiss is sweet and unhurried.
