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She lets out a little sob. “I don’t need to pry into all of your business just yet. But not telling me anything was a shitty thing to do.”
I know that what I’m about to say next is a mistake, but I charge ahead anyway. “That doesn’t seem fair, considering that youstillhaven’t given me whatever it is that Tom wanted me to have.”
She goes completely still, and in the excruciating silence that follows, I want to drown in the growing sense of horror that radiates up from my churning gut.
With a deep, shaky breath, she reaches down to grab her handbag off the floor and fishes around in it. She pulls out a letter in a white envelope and slams it down on the coffee table.
CALLUM,the front of the envelope reads in Tom’s distinctive doctor’s scrawl.
My mouth is dry and I couldn’t even say anything if I wanted to as Hazel grabs her purse and walks out without a word, her steps quick and light as she disappears into the foyer. Part of me wants to race after her, but I can’t take my eyes off the envelope in front of me. Distantly, I hear the door slam, and I’m alone.
“Callum Locklear,” I hear Ruthie’s sharp voice ring out from behind me. “Please tell me that I hallucinated you behaving absolutelygrotesquelyto a lovely young woman who cares deeply about you.”
“It was real,” I mutter. I pick up the envelope and stare at my name. The corners of the envelope are a little creased and worn, as though she’s carried it for a long time.
The last thing Tom said to me, and I’m just now receiving it. I feelgutted.
Ruthie settles into the couch next to me. “Is that from her late husband?”
I nod miserably.
“Perhaps that’s why she hadn’t given it to you yet,” Ruthie says. Her steely regard almost has physical weight. She’s furious, and I absolutely deserve it. “Because it was something of her husband’s.”
I’m quiet for a second as I consider my words. “It’s so—it’s soeasyto pretend that she never went through that,” I tell Ruthie. “I forget that it’s part of her life. My feelings for her are aboutherand not Tom. So I don’t think about it.”
When Grandma Ruthie speaks again, her voice is a bit softer. “But it is real. And you might not understand all of it, but youcannotignore it. It’s always going to be a part of her story. You have to get used to it if you care about her.”
“Do you think I can fix this?” I ask.
Ruthie stands up again and pats my shoulder. “I don’t know,” she says. “I won’t pretend that I’m not terribly disappointed with what I just overheard. But I think you understand why what you did was wrong, and I won’t belabor the point. You’re a good man. If anyone can figure it out, you can.”
Without another word, she turns and leaves me alone.
I set the letter down and stare at it for a second before I cross the room to grab a letter opener from an antique roll-top desk in the corner. Carefully, so I don’t tear the envelope with Tom’s handwriting on it, I slide the letter opener across the top fold, and pull out the letter inside.
With a deep breath, I unfold it.
And read.
Dear Callum,
By now, I’m gone.
This isn’t how I wanted to go either, believe me. I’m determined to make it through Christmas, but I have a feeling my number is up soon whether I like it or not.
First, it’s extremely important to me that you understand that I was always the better-looking one. Everyone agreed, and I have it on good authority that the head cheerleader in twelfth grade thought you were too pretty and preferred my rugged good looks.
Second, I am sorry that we’ve grown apart a bit over the last few years. We’ve both been wrapped up in school and our careers, and stuff like this happens, but I want you to know that I still consider you my best friend, even if we go a couple of months at a time without talking.
Third, and most important, please make sure Hazel is okay. A phone call or something every now and then, maybe drop by when you’re in town, if you want. I know you never got to meet her, but you love me and I love her, so I think you two will get along.
When I met her, it was like I suddenly put on glasses after a lifetime of not being able to see clearly. She’s beautiful and brave and smart, and I also know that she’ll carry on like a soldier after I’m gone. I want her to have a shoulder to cry on now and again, so please, keep in touch with her. At least until she finds someone new who makes her happy.
You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met. You’re brilliant, caring, silly and adventurous, with a huge heart for all living things. I hope that never changes.
I’ll catch you on the other side, old friend.
Tom
