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It’s a little awkward for a moment when we remember that there is only a couch for the three of us to share, but Seff changes into his wolf form, curling up on the rug in front of the empty fireplace.
It’ll be uncomfortable, but Theo and I can squish on the couch together. Wouldn’t be the first time he slept on top of me, and now that it is all out in the open, we don’t have to be inconspicuous about it.
I head to the kitchen to fix myself another glass of water, running into Tor. He’s hovering around the cabinets, fussing at everything but doing nothing. I pointedly ignore him while I fill the glass, and eventually he stops pretending to clean and spins to face me.
“I don’t care that you’re sleeping with him. I like you, Roan. I don’t think you’d take advantage of him.”
Ah, the big brother speech.
I raise an eyebrow and wave for him to continue because there is a very big “but” coming.
“But if you hurt him, I will slit your throat in the dead of the night and leave you for the neric that likes to hang about the Woods just beyond our land. Got me?”
Nerics, bear-like creatures with poisonous claws and phenomenally powerful jaws, probably wouldn’t be able to eat me all on their own, but I still understand the threat. I clap myarms on Tor’s shoulders, looking him as sincerely in the eye as I can.
“Look, Tor, I can’t promise that I will never hurt Theo. I am not arrogant enough to think I’m never going to fuck up or make a mistake. But I will never do it intentionally, and I will always do whatever I can to do right by him. Right now, we’re just friends.”
Tor snorts.
“Yeah, I’d love something more with him. But there are things… I don’t want to be the one to tie him down before he has a chance to experience life. I don’t want him to regret… anyway. Thank you.”
Tor’s smile is more straight than not, and he nods like he heard what I had to say. He starts to leave the kitchen, heading for the hallway to his room, but stops at the door, debating with himself. Eventually the need to meddle on his brother's behalf wins out.
“You two aren’t just friends, Roan. It’s not fair toeitherof you to keep lying to yourselves like that. And it’s not fair toTheoto deny him something special because you've decided what he needs from life. If you haven’t noticed, he’s kind of sensitive about that shit.”
I huff a laugh and cross my arms over my chest.
“Yeah, I noticed that. I’ll think about it.”
Tor raps a quick knock on the door frame.
“You do that. Night.” He leaves before I can say goodnight.
I stay in the kitchen a few moments, sipping my water, gathering myself back together before going back to the lounge. Theo is waiting patiently for me so we can get ourselves settled. Standing there in his shorts, chest bare, looking so pleased to see me, my heart stops for a second, just perfectly full of love for him. I offer him my water and get myself settled on the couch.Once I’m settled, he arranges himself on top of me, tangling us together until he is satisfied.
Under the hazy contentment of him falling asleep above me, his breaths slowing as he relaxes, I feel that niggle of worry. It doesn’t quite matter if we don’t want to rock the boat of whatever is between us. It seems like the waters may tip us in anyway. I stroke his back gently, and he sighs happily in his sleep, burrowing in closer. Maybe jumping in won’t be such a bad thing after all?
Theo
I snap awake witha jerk, shoving at the heavy-weight pinning me down. Scrambling, still half caught in my dream, I manage to squirm my way out of the bed, hitting the hard floors with a loudoof. Above me on the bed, Roan mumbles something unintelligible and rolls over.
A quick glance at the thin light trailing through the crack in the blinds lets me know that he’s only been asleep for a couple of hours, having stayed up drinking with his mage friends until Woodsy and Mauvy closed the tavern. He’d been mostly sober last night, but still smelt strongly of the spicy cherry liqueur the mages favoured.
Reassured that I haven’t woken him, I sit up, resting my back against the bed, placing my elbows on my raised knees to cup my head in my hands. I massage my temples hard, trying to drive out the last of the adrenaline in my body. My breathing is still uneven, the panic of my dreams still flooding my system.
The dreams are getting worse, more realistic. Not only scarier, as the Marieth/Darius - though it is Darius more often than not now - hybrid hunts me through the dark Woods.
I can feel the exhaustion from running all night. The desperation to reach safety. The terror when the safety is within reach until the cold grasp ofthemreach out to grab me, like frozen tentacles.
He caught me this morning. I felt his hand touching my arm and dream-me had screamed. I think Roan must’ve knocked me or something; I don’t know. But I woke up just as Darius’s monstrous and dream-weird fingers, too long and blackened at the tip, had locked around my arm.
He’d cried out in triumph, and then I was on the floor. Only centimetres in front of me within touching distance, is the drawer with my phone. It’s still off, and I haven’t been brave enough to check it since the last time, but now in the aftermath of that dream, I’m morbidly curious and willing to poke at the bruise to see how much it hurts.
With jerky movements, I pull the phone from its hiding place, stopping only to check that I haven’t woken Roan, and then I hold down the little button on the side to turn it back on. I chew on my finger and tap my toe on the wood while I wait for the screen to load, failing to unlock it three times before I finally get my fingers to cooperate and enter the pin.
It trembles violently in my hand as a barrage of new messages are delivered. But there is only one from Darius. Huh. I close my eyes when I click to open the message, like that will somehow help the vast stupidity of my decision.
Theo, my beloved. I am sorry. I was hurt and lashed out. Please, have it in your heart to forgive me. Are we not all flawed beings? I hope to see you soon, and then I can explain it all and we can be together again. For real. I love you, Darius.
